Sunday, January 31, 2016

SOUTHERN LIVING: Saturdays at the Store

Saturdays at the Store

When I was much, much younger growing up in San Antonio, I loved to visit Joske's downtown, about a block away from the Alamo (which interested me not at all). The 10-acre shopping emporium—known as "the biggest store in the biggest state"—was a palace of wonder where a shopper could buy a custom-made saddle, view Oriental rugs, and check out books from the lending library. Back then, department stores were different, and salespeople were like hosts at a private club. In addition to their customers' names, they knew what was and wasn't already hanging in their closets and what they might not need but would desperately crave. At a place like the no-longer-with-us Joske's—or, for that matter, the late Rich's in Atlanta or the late Burdines in Florida or the late Maison Blanche in New Orleans—you understood where you came from while also feeling completely at home.

"Is the North different from the South?" Robert Sakowitz, of the late Houston-based Sakowitz chain, asked rhetorically. "The South has wanted to be known for its gentility and welcoming spirit," he explained, and the greater the distances between cities, the more intense that spirit. Put another way, before everyone had access to air travel (much less the Internet), geography was destiny. Stores developed strong identities in their regions. Buyers employed by these places traveled far and wide to find just the right goods for their customers' tastes, which tended to be different from people in the North. Texas was, as Texas tends to be, a bit over the top. Stanley Marcus of Neiman Marcus may have taught women the importance of impeccable yet understated taste, but he also played to the state's "bigger and better" myths with extravagant Christmas gifts, like His & Hers Beechcraft Planes. (The first and only sale of those—in 1960—went to a West Texas rancher who said his wife had been "hankering for a plane of her own.")

Over in Houston, Sakowitz reflected that city's entrepreneurial spirit by making itself the most fashion-forward city in the country in the 1970s, offering Courrèges and Yves Saint Laurent before the New York stores would dare to. Florida's Burdines specialized in the latest swim and cruise wear. Rich's in Atlanta wouldn't be caught dead selling the same lipsticks as Belk, for instance, just as Sakowitz wasn't going to offer the same evening gown as Neiman's when the latter invaded Houston.

Stores were well mannered and polite—and there was no room for the risqué. In the early 20th century, Rich's (considered by many to be the epitome of the Southern department store) hesitated before offering bridge lessons to its female customers because so many Southerners thought card playing was improper. When the clothes of store-window mannequins had to be changed, curtains were drawn; corsets were sold but weren't displayed until the post-WWII years.

Beauty was crucial, and ground zero tended to be the makeup counters. Michael Lisicky, who has written several books on department stores, cited a saleswoman named Louise Orr, who worked at Miller & Rhoads in Richmond, Virginia, for almost 50 years. She was Charles of the Ritz' most valued sales representative in the world—probably because she blended the cosmetics herself and kept records of her clients' individualized shades on index cards.

Then, of course, there were the fashion shows—rites of passage in the South: Rich's Fashionata in Atlanta got so big it had to be moved to the Fox Theatre, so anxious were its customers for a glimpse of next season's clothes.

Southern cuisine was not to be ignored. "You weren't eating Yankee potpies," Lisicky explained. "You were eating what you knew." The most famous department store restaurant was Neiman's Zodiac Room in Dallas, where Helen Corbitt held sway. Stanley Marcus spent eight years luring the expert on healthful-but-tasty food to his store in 1955. (She'd been a dietician at Cornell University's medical center in New York.) Though Corbitt left Neiman's in 1969, people still trawl the Internet looking for her recipes for popovers and zesty chicken salad.

Because Southern women also prided themselves on being very, very social, the best stores provided a place to hold club meetings and organize good works—in between shopping trips, of course. Later in the 1960s, there were teen clubs for their daughters, where they could feel (slightly) rebellious listening to 45s and sampling (slightly) edgier fashions.

During the Civil Rights Movement, activists pressured Rich's to integrate its restaurant, because they knew that once the store moved forward, the rest of Atlanta would follow.

Decades later, when Southerners recall the great department stores, their memories tend to be personal. For women, especially, these were places that so often marked the ends and beginnings of things. I remember, for instance, my mother taking me on a shopping spree to Neiman's in Dallas when I was 13. We flew up from San Antonio, and she bought me some sort of apron dress—puffed sleeves in a red-and-yellow print with a tie at the waist—not in the children's department but from the junior's section. I'd never felt so grown-up or so beautiful.

What could've been a better introduction to womanhood than that?



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5 Things Sociopaths and Narcissists Say to Make You Feel Crazy

5 Things Sociopaths and Narcissists Say to Make You Feel Crazy

When you hear the word “psychopath”, you might think of Hannibal Lecter or Ted Bundy, but most psychopaths are actually non-violent and non-incarcerated members of society. In fact, there’s a good chance they’ll seem exceptionally altruistic and innocent to the average onlooker.

As described in the Psychopath Free book, psychopaths are first and foremost social predators. With no conscience, they’re able to use charm and manipulation to get what they want from others—whether it be families, friendships, relationships, cults, the workplace, or even politics. The bottom line is, they modify their personalities to become exactly the person they think you want them to be. And they’re good at it.

But when they no longer need anything from you, that’s when the crazy-making behavior begins. Here are some common phrases you’ll hear from a psychopath who’s trying to make you doubt your sanity:




1. “You over-analyze everything.”

Of course there are people who DO read too much into situations. The difference with psychopaths is that you’ll always discover you were correct in retrospect. They intentionally do things to make you feel on-edge or paranoid, like flirt with a once-denounced ex over social media for the whole world to see. When you question them, they accuse you of over-analyzing the situation. But then a month later, you discover they were actually cheating with that person. Psychopaths want you to doubt your intuition by making you feel like a crazy detective, constantly planting hints to make you feel anxious and then blaming you for having that anxiety.

2. “I hate drama.”

And yet, you’ll soon come to discover there’s more drama surrounding them than anyone you’ve ever known. Psychopaths will first idealize you above everyone else, praising you for your perfect easy-going nature. But because they are perpetually bored, this never lasts long. They are pathological liars, serial cheaters, and eternal victims. Before long, these qualities inevitably start to surface and cause you overwhelming confusion. Any time you mention your concerns or frustration, they’ll declare their hatred of drama and make you feel bad for reacting to their horrible behavior (instead of addressing the behavior itself).

3. “You’re so sensitive.”

Psychopaths manufacture emotions in others—it’s what they do. After once showering you with 24/7 praise and flattery, they’ll ignore you for days on end and wait for you to react. When you finally do, they’ll accuse you of being sensitive or needy. They’ll insult, belittle, and criticize you (usually in a teasing/joking demeanor), pushing your boundaries until you finally speak up. Then they use your manufactured reactions to make you seem crazy. Within weeks, psychopaths can turn an exceptionally easy-going person into an unrecognizable mess of insecurities and self-doubt.

4. “You misunderstood me.”

Sure, healthy couples have misunderstandings and miscommunications all the time. But with psychopaths, they’ll intentionally say things they know will provoke you. Then when you react, they’ll turn it around on you and blame you for misunderstanding. Oftentimes, they’ll even deny that they ever said it. This is called gaslighting—blatantly doing or saying something, and then blaming you for misinterpreting it (or denying that it even took place). The fact is, you understood what they said perfectly fine. They’re just trying to make you doubt your sanity.

5. “You’re crazy / bipolar / jealous / bitter / in love with me.”

The name-calling usually starts when things are going downhill fast. According to a psychopath, all of their ex lovers, colleagues, and friends are crazy, bipolar, jealous, bitter, or in love with them. This becomes very confusing when they start reaching out to those very same people they once denounced to you, using them to triangulate and cause chaos (making the psychopath appear in high-demand at all times). Then they toss you in that very same “crazy” bucket, continuing their never-ending cycle of idealizing and devaluing anyone unfortunate enough to cross their path.

The only way out is to go No Contact. This means no texts, calls, emails, or even Facebook friendships. Otherwise you can be guaranteed that they’ll do anything and everything in their power to make you feel crazy. The good news is, when a psychopath tries to make you doubt your intuition, it means your intuition was causing them trouble. Psychopaths seek to psychologically destroy anyone who might threaten their illusion of normalcy to the world. So when they begin playing mind games with you, it’s actually a strange indirect tribute to your ability to notice that something was “off” about them.

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Saturday, January 30, 2016

How arguing can be good for your marriage

How arguing can be good for your marriage

Arguing may not be such a bad thing.

In fact, a new survey that found finds couples who engage in healthy conflict are 10 times more likely to have a happy relationship than those who ignore difficult conversations.

Other highlights of the survey include

— Four out of five say poor communication played a role in their last failed relationship and half cite poor communication as a significant cause of the failed relationship.

— Fewer than one in five believe they are usually to blame when a conversation goes poorly.

— Those who blame their partner for poor communication are more likely to be dissatisfied with the relationship.

While many see arguments as something to avoid at all costs, and others may use arguments as an opportunity to win a debate, arguing — when done right — can be a productive way to work through and resolve conflicts.

David Maxfield and Joseph Grenny offer the following five tips to effectively argue with your significant other:

1. Manage your thoughts. Soften your judgments by asking yourself why a reasonable, rational, and decent person would do what your significant other is doing.

2. Affirm before you complain. Don’t start by diving into the issue. Establish emotional safety by letting your significant other know you respect and care about him or her.

3. Start with the facts. When you begin discussing the issue, strip out accusatory, judgmental, and inflammatory language.

4. Be tentative but honest. Having laid out the facts, tell your significant other why you’re concerned. But don’t do it as an accusation, share it as an opinion.

5. Invite dialogue. After sharing your concerns, encourage your significant other to share his or hers—even if he or she disagrees with you. If you are open to hearing your significant other’s point of view, he or she will be more open to yours.



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Friday, January 29, 2016

Mullein

Mullein

Mullein flowers and leaves contain powerful anti-bacterial and expectorant properties that have the ability to substantially remove phlegm from the lungs and mucous from the body. This makes it a highly effective remedy for individuals who are suffering from bronchitis, lung congestion, colds, flu, asthma, emphysema, whopping cough, or any other respiratory ailment. 

Historically, mullein was used as a treatment for tuberculosis as far back as the 16th century and some believed that if mullein was taken in the early stages of the disease that it could bring about a full recovery. Mullein’s strong anti-viral abilities also make it a potent remedy for the flu virus, the shingles virus, the herpes virus, the Epstein Barr virus, and Staph infections. 

Mullein contains a compound called verbascoside which is an anti-inflammatory and particularly useful in helping to ease the pain associated with joint or muscle pain. Mullein tea is excellent for aiding a number of digestive problems including diarrhea, constipation, indigestion, hemorrhoids, and intestinal worms. 

Mullein also contains anti-spasmodic properties which makes its helpful for reducing both menstrual and stomach cramps. It is also known to be highly beneficial in providing migraine relief. Mullein has natural sedative properties and has been used to to help treat both insomnia and anxiety. Mullein oil (mullein extract in an olive oil base) is a highly effective remedy for ear infections and ear aches and can be safely used with children and adults alike.

Mullein oil is also very helpful for skin conditions such as rashes, burns, wounds, blisters, eczema, and psoriasis. Mullein tea, extract, tincture, capsules, oil, and cream can all be found online or at your local health food store.

This item posted: 22-Mar-2015



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UGA student wins ‘Ultimate Job Interview Contest’

UGA student wins ‘Ultimate Job Interview Contest’

University of Georgia student Austin Mueller is going to be a millionaire by age 30.

At least that’s where Mueller said he sees his life going, and with his most recent $10,000 win from ChooseATL’s “The Ultimate Job Interview Contest,” he’s a little closer.

But being chosen as the winner of ChooseATL’s contest is nowhere near Mueller’s first notable achievement. Even as a kid, Mueller said he had goals for his future.

By age 13 his lawn mowing company, “Austin’s Lawns” was making him $500 per month and by 15, he had a team of people working for him. The company was such a success that the North Fulton Chamber of Commerce’s later recognized him as Entrepreneur of Georgia in 2011.

Since then, he has not only traveled the world giving speeches through a group called Powerhouse Network, but also started a new business called Bravado Branding.

“It’s a company that helps professionals and startups build brands on a budget,” Mueller said.

According to Evan Scott, public relations representative for the ChooseATL contest, it was Mueller’s past successes that gave him the edge needed to win.

“He has already been so successful in his life, and it’s clear that he will go far and hustle to reach his goals,” Scott said.

Mueller said all he has achieved comes from willpower.

“It’s not about your IQ,” Mueller said. “It’s your ‘I can.’”

Mueller said he volunteers for any challenge that comes his way.

“You have to be willing to raise your hand for everything. Volunteer even if you don’t know exactly how you’re going to make it happen,” Mueller said.

Within a week of joining the UGA chapter of Pi Sigma Epsilon, a national fraternity in marketing, sales management and selling, Mueller began his campaign to become the fraternity’s webmaster.

“I didn’t know a thing about ‘.com’ or ‘www.’ but I went for it anyway,” Mueller said.

Mueller got the position and used a 50-hour YouTube crash course in web design to prepare for the responsibilities of the job. Learning web design in Pi Sigma Epsilon enabled Mueller to create Bravado Branding, he said.

Mueller advised to not limit opportunities to make connections.

“Let your calendar be your boss,” he said.  “If you have an empty spot, fill it. Get out and help people because your network is your net worth.”  

To Mueller, while school may be where students learn to make a living, he said attending school is not how to make a fortune — that comes from investing in yourself, he said.

“Take the opportunities that aren’t handed to you. Be bold,” he said.

Mueller’s future plans are to live as a lifestyle entrepreneur and travel the world as a video blogger in 360 days, without airplanes.  

“You see what I’ve done,” he said. “Now watch what I do.”

Correction: In a previous version of this article, ChooseATL's "Ultimate Job Interview Contest" was incorrectly identified as the "Best Job Interview Contest." The Red & Black regrets this editorial oversight.



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Grown and Flown: How to Stay Close as a Family Over Time

How to Stay Close as a Family Over Time

Once upon a time, long, long ago, all of our children, my husband and I lived under the same, familiar roof. As we knew they must (and leaving me with conflicted feelings of sadness for myself and excitement for my children), they have begun to forge their own adult paths, one leaping off the branch enthusiastically, another requiring a bit of a nudge, and a third still in high school but clearly exerting ever-increasing degrees of autonomy.

Four ways to stay close as a family

While I recognize this progression toward independence was our eventuality, even our goal, it felt and still feels somehow unnatural to me; how can we as parents know the comings and goings of and daily events in the lives of our children, only to accept that this degree of involvement would be relatively abruptly replaced by an occasional text or phone call? How can our family, an indivisible unit, disperse, and yet (we hope) continue to be solid? How can we stay close as a family as our lives diverge?

I interviewed experts (AKA my children) while I was exploring our family attachments. When I asked, “What do you think is important for maintaining our family ties?” one daughter’s instantaneous response was “definitely a strong foundation.” This answer was eloquent in its simplicity, cutting right to the core of the issue; if the basic building blocks of a relationship are not present, it is unlikely to withstand the strains imposed by separation in time and distance.

My younger daughter’s response was equally elegant in its clarity. Her immediate reply was “ love – we just love each other.” Without the love, what is there to maintain? My daughters, it seems, are wise beyond their years. My son, however, just looked at me quizzically and shrugged – not the helpful response I was hoping to receive, but expected from a 19-year-old male.

I take great comfort, and a bit of pride in the fact that my family has persisted as a unified alliance in spite of dispersion by colleges and jobs. I am confident that this success is, at least in part, firmly based in a belief that my husband and I have regarding shared experiences; it is in the doing together that we grow closer, bond more firmly, and create memories that we take with us as we move on.

1. Group Travel

As a direct corollary, rather than providing a plethora of possessions for our children, we have opted for group travel at every opportunity. We as a family have had the great fortune of being together while on safari in South Africa, paragliding in Talloires, ice hiking the glaciers of Iceland, and rafting the tidal bore in the Bay of Fundy. Our children relish these excursions (which, to be equally effective, do not necessarily have to be quite so adventurous) and do all they can to be available while still fulfilling employment and academic responsibilities. It is during these times that family jokes are born and reinforced and sibling bonds are strengthened, away from the otherwise busy schedules and ever-present cell phones.

2. Text Thread

Technology is not, however, always divisive with regard to our family unit. Our texting “family thread” keeps us in communication with one another on a daily basis, even if only for a quick comment. Not a day goes by where one of us does not share an occurrence, a relevant (and usually amusing) news article (often along with sarcastic interpretation and followed by equally sarcastic retorts), or a brief question. The texts may be supportive or teasing, but either way, keep us in touch in an informal manner. Technology serves a means for us to easily make plans, muse over an event or just say goodnight.

3. Traditions

The comfort of family traditions is a binding thread which also keeps my clan members within the same orbit. We have all learned to play pinochle and strive to all be present when a game is planned; we have our established teams, and ongoing friendly competition.

Another simple tradition occurs yearly during December; rather than the (older) adults buying abundant gifts, a “secret-Santa” gift exchange occurs in our home, always an eagerly anticipated event. The children, with only one person for whom to shop (usually) consider their purchase very thoughtfully, making the holiday more about other family members than about themselves.

In my opinion, one of our most pivotal traditions has been the family dinner; with rare exception and despite varied school and work schedules, the five of us sat down to dinner together nightly until my eldest left for college, and still continue to do so with whomever is home. There were certainly instances that eating as a group translated into a brief or very inconveniently timed meal (and far from haute cuisine), but catching up on the happenings of the day, sharing stories and keeping current with one another was invaluable in building the foundation for continued friendship. Many serious discussions, as well as countless inside jokes, which of course we never let fade, began during a shared meal.

4. Care Packages

Sending occasional packages to my children reminds them that they are thought of and missed, and diminishes the feeling of separation on both ends. For example, my younger daughter and I send her siblings a birthday party in a box each year, including such things as baked goods, candles, a birthday crown, party favors and streamers. Who does not love getting a package? My now college-graduate requested and continues to receive such themed boxes mailed to her apartment for her birthday, Halloween, Valentine’s day, etc. Through such acknowledgements, we remain linked, although divided by miles.

My children as burgeoning adults, now not only have strong relationships with my husband and me, but also have fellowship independent of us; they meet for lunch, call one another when needing support, and count each other as friends. When I hear them laughing together during a video chat, see them snuggling while watching their favorite television shows, or catch them walking along holding hands, I know that my husband and I have done well and that time and physical separation will not destroy what we have fostered.

How to stay close as a family as lives diverge? Oddly, my son’s noncommittal shrug serves as a reminder that there is no right answer; many variables exist, and what works in our household may not necessarily translate effectively in another. I am quite certain that the universal perfect solution does not exist.

My daughters, however, dove directly to the heart of the matter with their responses as they relate to our home; early on, we created a foundation of love, support and respect upon which to build. With that in place, continued communication was of the essence to maintain and strengthen what was already established. Time together, events shared, traditions upheld, all cultivated and nurtured our bonds. While there certainly have been and inevitably will be future “bumps in the road,” sincere affection and lasting friendship have been the eventual outcome in our family. I wish the same success for all.

Related:

Family Vacations with Teens

College Care Packages from Home: 50 great Ideas

5 Ways to Keep Your Family Close When You Grow Apart 

Marjorie RosenblattMarjorie Rosenblatt is a physician, wife and mother of three. She enjoys writing about her experiences and passions, including (but not limited to) her family, medicine and karate.



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21 THINGS TO STOP WASTING YOUR MONEY ON!

21 THINGS TO STOP WASTING YOUR MONEY ON!

stop wasting money

I recently got an email from financial guru Dave Ramsey that listed 10 things we as Americans waste money on. While I found it fairly informative, none of it really surprised me. However, it was a good reminder that sometimes the day-to-day “little things” that we hardly even notice can really add up to become BIG money-wasters!

So I set out to find a few more daily money-wasters that we might not even be aware of….and of course I found MORE than a few! I found HUNDREDS! But for the sake of brevity (and my need for some sleep) I will focus on 21.

stop wasting money

Credit card interest

If you’re not paying your credit card balance off in full each month, you’re wasting money on interest. Carrying a $1,000 balance on a card that charges 18% costs nearly $200 every year.

Paying Late Fees and Missing Deadlines

If you miss a credit card payment by even one day, you will pay a late fee of $25 ($35 if it’s the second time in six months.)

Deal websites

I went through a Groupon phase, and wasted a lot of money. I misjudged my motivation to actually go and try that new place across town.

stop wasting money

Appetizers

Most restaurants already have portions so big you need a box to bring home the leftovers. Unless you are absolutely starving, you will fill up on the appetizer and wind up wasting money on an entree that never gets eaten.

ATM fees

It’s not just two bucks here or $3 there. It adds up. Fast.

stop wasting money

Overdraft fees

If you add correctly and make a concerted effort to spend less than you make, you don’t ever have to pay a dime in overdraft fees.

stop wasting money

Expedited shipping

If you do your shopping online, you often can avoid paying for shipping by having your purchases shipped to a retailer’s brick-and-mortar store or by taking advantage of free shipping promotions.

Designer baby clothes

It’s insanity to spend $20 on a onesie that a child will either spit up on or outgrow in 2 seconds.

Forget to return movie rentals on time

Red Box may only be a buck a night, but rent two and leave them behind the sofa, and that can add up quickly.

stop wasting money 9

Unused Gym Memberships

Unfortunately, when your commitment to work out wanes, the monthly dues don’t stop. Besides, you can run around the block for free.

Unhealthy Habits

Americans burn $44 billion on tobacco and $50 billion on alcohol each year, and that doesn’t begin to take into account the indirect costs related to drinking and smoking. Bottom line: both of these can cost you your health as well as your wealth.

Premium cable packages

Be honest, you don’t watch 90% of the channels that are on.  I know I don’t!

stop wasting money

$5 cups of coffee

If you must get your coffee on the go, stick to a gas station or convenience store to lessen the daily blow to your bank account.

Movie Candy

At the grocery store, you can get a pound of popcorn kernels for around $1. At the movie theater, the large popcorn can cost between $6 and $10. Taking cues from what people responded to (pins, comments, shares, likes, etc.) and doing more of those things. Besides, you can always tuck a candy bar into your pocket.

Not Planning Weekly Meals

Without a plan, you risk wasting money at the grocery store or on fast food.

stop wasting money

Lottery Tickets

Your odds of winning big are somewhere in the neighborhood of 1 in 13 million. With odds like that, the chances of you recouping what you spent on those tickets are slim to none.

Dry Cleaning

Unless the label says “dry clean only,” you can more often than not get away from washing your dress pants, button-up shirts and dresses in cold water. Skip the dryer and hang or lay flat to dry. 

Subscriptions

Do you have a large pile of magazines that you’re “going” to read? Cancel them. You’ll never notice they’re gone.

stop wasting money

Bottled Water

It is easy to overlook a small amount spent on bottled water everyday, but it adds up! A 16-ounce bottle of water costs about $1.50. Buy a bottle of water five days a week, and you’ll spend $30 a month and $360 a year.

Tickets

Speeding and parking illegally is a huge waste of money. Plus, one speeding ticket can raise your insurance rates 10-15%.  Do you REALLY save that much time anyway?

Premium Gasoline

Many drivers assume using a “premium” gasoline will make their car perform better. Not true. You won’t go faster, get better mileage or run cleaner — no matter what the terms “super,” “premium” or “plus” imply.

stop wasting money 13

Do any of these sound familiar to you?  I know I’m definitely guilty of many of them.  Like I said, this was a good reminder to me of the things I have gotten too relaxed about lately.

How have you stopped your money leaks?



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