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Anxiety or Aggression? When Anxiety in Children Looks Like Anger, Tantrums, or Meltdowns

Posted by Karen - Hey Sigmund

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Anxiety can be a masterful imposter. In children, it can sway away from the more typical avoidant, clingy behaviour and show itself as tantrums, meltdowns and aggression. As if anxiety wasn’t hard enough to deal with!

When children are under the influence of an anxious brain, their behaviour has nothing to do with wanting to push against the limits. They are often great kids who don’t want to do the wrong thing, but they are being driven by a brain in high alert.

If we could see what was happening in their heads when anxiety takes hold like this, their behaviour would make sense. We would want to scoop them up and take them away from the chaos of it all. Of course, that doesn’t mean that they should be getting a free pass on their unruly behaviour. Their angry behaviour makes sense, and it’s important to let them know this, but there will always be better choices they are capable of making. 

Once kids have a more solid understanding of why they do what they do, they will be well on their way to finding a better response. Here’s where the adults in their lives will make a critical difference. Parents, grandparents, teachers – anyone who is able to understand and respond to their behaviour as something driven by anxiety, rather than ‘naughty’ behaviour, will be helping them to find healthier, stronger, more effective ways to respond to the world. All kids have it in them to do this, but anxiety can have a sly way of stealing the attention from their strengths. Now to put an end to that.

Anxiety or Aggression?

Anxiety happens when a part of the brain, the amygdala, senses trouble. When it senses threat, real or imagined, it surges the body with hormones (including cortisol, the stress hormone) and adrenaline to make the body strong, fast and powerful. This is the fight or flight response and it has been keeping us alive for thousands of years. It’s what strong, healthy brains are meant to do. 

An anxious brain is a strong, healthy brain that is a little overprotective. It is more likely to sense threat and hit the panic button ‘just in case’. When this happens often, it can create ‘anxiety about the anxiety’. One of the awful things about anxiety is the way it launches without warning, and often without need, sending an unsuspecting body unnecessarily into fight or flight.

For kids with anxiety, any situation that is new, unfamiliar, difficult or stressful counts as a potential threat. The fight or flight response happens automatically and instantaneously, sending neurochemicals surging through their bodies, priming them for fight or flight. Every physical symptom that comes with anxiety – racy heart, sick tummy, clammy skin, vomiting, shaky arms or legs – is because of the surging of these neurochemicals. The natural end to the fight or flight response is intense physical activity. If the threat was real, they’d be fighting for their lives or running for it. When there is no need to fight or flee, there is nothing to burn up the neurochemicals and they build up, causing the physical symptoms of anxiety. (For a detailed child-friendly explanation of what causes each of the physical symptoms of anxiety, see here.)

If anxiety is having a hand in the angry behaviour, the signs of anxiety will still be there in some way. Look for any type of avoidant behaviour, sick tummies, headaches, sensitivity to new or unfamiliar situations. Any of these might be a clue that anxiety is hard at work. Take note of when the meltdowns or tantrums happen. Is there a pattern? Do they seem to happen more in unfamiliar situations or situations that might overspend your child’s emotional resources?

Why do some kids show anxiety as anger?

Anxiety is often associated with avoidance or clinginess but it doesn’t necessarily present itself in this way. The physiological driver is the same – a brain under threat – but instead of flight, it initiates fight. It doesn’t matter that there’s nothing at all there to worry about. When the brain thinks there’s trouble, it acts as though it’s true.

Think of this like a smoke alarm. A smoke alarm can’t tell the difference between a real fire and burnt toast, and it doesn’t care. All it wants to do is keep you safe. It does this by making enough noise to get a response. Better safe than sorry. The brain works the same way. An anxious brain is a very protective brain, and it will be quicker to hit the alarm, even when there is no need. This could happen in response to unfamiliar situations or people, playground scuffles, criticism, disappointment, threat of embarrassment or failure – anything that could potentially trigger the feeling that something bad may be about to happen. 

The fight response is the brain’s adaptive way of giving a young body the physical resources it needs to deal with a situation that feels potentially harmful. Remember, this reaction happens automatically and instantly. It’s so quick that there’s no time for any conscious consideration as to whether or not the threat it real. 

As part of growing up, children regularly find themselves in unfamiliar situations where they have to negotiate and learn strategies for dealing with the world and its people. This is how they learn emotional and social skills that will move them towards being strong, healthy adults. In the meantime though, for an anxious brain, it’s trouble at every turn! Any situation that puts expectations on them and demands that could exceed their own developing resources will have the potential to trigger anxiety.

Like the flight response (avoidance, clinginess), the fight response is an automatic, hardwired response from a brain that thinks it’s under threat. That doesn’t mean that kids can’t be taught to control it – they absolutely can – but first they need to understand what’s happening. 

As the adults in their lives, it’s important to be open to the possibility that beneath an aggressive, disruptive child, is an anxious one looking for security and comfort. If anxiety is at play, dealing with aggression as bad behaviour will always inflame the situation. On the other hand, dealing with it as anxiety will give them the strategies and support they need to find their way through, as well as teaching them vital skills that will hold them well for the rest of their lives. 

Practical ways to deal with anxiety-driven aggression.

What kids need to know.

•    Explain where anxiety comes from.

Kids can do amazing things with the right information, and it’s important not to underestimate their potential for understanding. When it is something that is personally relevant, their capacity for understanding is immense. Here’s what they need to know, but it doesn’t need to happen all at once. Giving them the information over lots of small, incidental chats will be just as powerful.

‘Those times you get really angry are probably confusing for you. I know you don’t want to do the wrong thing and I think it will help if I explain what happens when you get angry like that. First of all, you need to know that everyone gets angry for all sorts of different reasons. Your reason is a really good one – it’s because your brain is working hard to protect you. 

There’s a special part of your brain called the amygdala. We all have one. The amygdala’s job is to warn you of danger and keep you safe. Think of it like your own little warrior, there to protect you. Yours works especially hard. When it thinks there might be danger, it surges your body with a type of superhero fuel – oxygen, hormones, and adrenaline – to make you strong fast and powerful enough to deal with the danger.

This could be anything that your brain thinks might hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable – new people, new places, too much noise, having to do something that feels risky. Everybody has something that makes them feel anxious. We’re all the same like that.

Your brain doesn’t care if there actually is something there that could hurt you. It just wants to keep you safe, so it fuels you up just in case. There’s a really cool name for this – it’s called fight or flight – fight the danger or run from it. Guess which one your brain gets you ready for. It’s getting you ready to fight the danger.

This happens really fast – so fast that you won’t even realise it’s happening until you have the angry feelings inside you. Your brain is super speedy and it surges you with fight or flight fuel before it has even thought about whether or not the danger is real. This happens in all of us, but in some people it happens more, especially at times when there’s no need for it. More than anything in the world, your brain wants to protect you and it works really hard to do this – even at times you don’t really need protecting.

Here’s something important you need to know: The same part of the brain that has the very important job of keeping you safe and ready to deal with trouble, also deals with your emotions. When it thinks you might be in danger, it switches on. When it’s on, your emotions will be switched on too. Sometimes they will be switched on big time! This is why you might feel like you want to burst into tears or get really angry.

None of this means that you can blame your brain for losing your temper. What it means is that you have a really strong healthy brain that works hard to look after you. It wants to be the boss of things, but everything will run smoother when you’re the one in charge of your brain!

There’s something else about brains that you need to know. Brains can change. They’re pretty amazing like that. At the moment, your brain tends to be a little overprotective of you but you can train it so that it doesn’t react as much when there’s no danger about. It will still protect you by letting you know when there’s trouble and it will still be awesome at getting you ready to deal with it, but it won’t do it as much when it doesn’t need to. 

There are a few things you can do to be the boss of your brain and train it to relax more. It will still be ready to fuel you up if there actually is danger, but if you’re the boss of your brain, you get the final say. What this means is that when there is no danger, you’ll be able to settle your brain much quicker. Let’s talk about some ways to do that.’

•    Breathe – but you probably haven’t breathed like this before!

‘Strong deep breaths will always calm an anxious brain (and an angry one!) but that’s not so simple when your brain is busy trying to keep you safe. The last thing it wants to do when it’s in protective warrior mode is to take time out to relax. It thinks that there is some serious work to be done to keep you safe! First let’s talk about why strong deep breaths work, then some special ways to get your breathing perfect.

Strong breathing calls up the front part of your brain, called the prefrontal cortex, which is a part of your brain that is able to calm things down and think things through. When your amygdala thinks there’s danger, it gets bossy and tells this part of the brain that it’s not needed. This is why it’s so important for you to learn how to be the boss of your brain. When you’re in charge, you can get the front part of your brain involved in deciding whether or not to fight or flee.

This is really important. The front of your brain is great at calming your amygdala – the part that’s triggering your fight and the angry feelings. 

How do you get the front of your brain involved? By breathing. Breathing is like a lullaby for your amygdala. It helps it to realise that there’s nothing to worry about. When this happens, the amygdala will calm down and so will you. But – you have to practice breathing when you aren’t angry. It’s too hard to do new things when you’re really upset. We all struggle with that! Breathing strong breaths is like any new skill. The more you do it, the better you’ll get.

Here are some fun ways to practice – and it will take some practice, so be patient and keep doing it every day.

Is that hot cocoa you’re holding?!

Pretend you are holding a mug of hot cocoa. Breathe in for three seconds through your nose, as though you are smelling the delicious rich chocolatey smell. Then pretend to blow it cool, by breathing out through your mouth for three seconds. Keep doing this four or five times, then you’ll start to feel yourself relax.

Find yourself a breathing buddy.

Put a soft toy on your belly. Breathe in for three, hold it for a second and then breathe out for three. If the toy is moving, you’re breathing deep into your belly – just like strong breathing is meant to be. You’ve got it.

Remember we talked about changing your brain? Every time you breathe through your anxious feeling, you’re helping to change and strengthen your brain. You’re doing something pretty amazing and the more you do it, the better you’ll get – but you do have to practice!’

•    Have your powerful thoughts ready.

‘When you start to feel yourself getting angry, this is the time to let your brain know you’re the boss. Here’s the secret – you’ll have to work out what to think, and practice thinking it, before you get angry. The more you practice, the easier it will get. After you’ve been practicing it for a while, you’ll be able to find your powerful thought without any effort at all. Just like your breathing though, it will take practice. Work out what your powerful thoughts will be. Pretend that you are speaking to your amygdala – that fierce little warrior of yours that is trying to keep your safe. It will always be ready to listen. Practice it out loud or quietly in your head. It’s up to you. ‘It’s okay warrior dude. We’re all good here. You can relax. There’s nothing that can hurt us here.’ Then, keep practicing your strong brave thoughts until they become automatic, which they will.’

And other things to do with them.

•    Mindfulness.

The research on the effectiveness of mindfulness could fill its own library. Mindfulness has been proven over and over to have enormous capacity to build a strong body, mind and spirit. Building the brain against anxiety is one of its wonders.

Anxiety happens when the brain spends too much time in the future. This is where it grabs on to the ‘what ifs’. Mindfulness strengthens it to stay in the present. It’s simple, and kids take hold of the concept beautifully. They are mindful little beings anyway, but the more they can strengthen this skill, the stronger they will be. It’s a wonderful skill to have, anxious or not.

Mindfulness is about stepping back and seeing thoughts and feelings come and go, without judgement, but with a relaxed mind. It has been shown to strengthen the connection between the instinctive, emotional back of the brain (the heartland of the fight or flight response) and the pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that soothes it back to calm).

Mindfulness for children generally works best it’s kept to about five minutes or less but let them keep going for as long as they want to. Here are some fun ways to practice mindfulness with kids. 

•   Name it to tame it. 

Big emotions live in the right side of the brain. The words that make sense of those emotions live in the left. Sometimes, there is a disconnect between the two. It can happen in all of us. When there is a disconnect, there are big feelings, but they feel overwhelming and they don’t make sense. 

Think of it like this. The left part of the brain is ‘this is what’s happening’. It is the literal understanding of the world – the concrete data, the facts. The right part of the brain is ‘this is how I feel about what’s happening’. It’s a more emotional, intuitive understanding of the world. If we only had our left brain, we would have great detail (‘this happened and then this happened’), but it would be a colder, more detached way of responding. If we only had our right brain we would have a sense of how we felt about an experience, and there would be plenty of emotion, but the more rational understanding would be missing. The detail of the world is important (‘this is what happened’) but so is the bigger picture (‘this is how I feel about it’). 

For kids, a powerful way to bring calm when they are in the midst of a big feeling is to name the feeling. As put by Mark Brackett from the Center for Emotional Intelligence, ‘if you can name it, you can tame it.’ When your child is in the thick of a big, angry feeling, name the feeling you see. ‘I can see that you’re really angry right now.’ ‘It has really upset you that you weren’t allowed to run through the supermarket. I get that. It’s hard having to be still sometimes isn’t it.’

Hearing the words that fit with their feelings will help to strengthen the connection between the right and left sides of their brain. When this happens, the emotion will start to ‘tame’. It will feel less like an ambush from a big woolly feeling and with your words, it will start to make sense. Be patient. It won’t happen straight away, but it will make a difference. It will also help to expand your child’s emotional vocabulary. This is a powerful part of developing their emotional intelligence, which is vital for any child as they grow.

•    Lift them up.

Kids who find themselves regularly throwing tantrums or being aggressive will probably have a lot of focus put on their bad behaviour. Lift them up by focusing on their strengths. Here are some common ones that come with anxiety.

And finally …

If your child seems quick to anger, be open to the possibility that anxiety might be the culprit. The most powerful way to turn any type of anxiety around is to explain to children the driving force behind their behaviour. This will help to empower them and put the focus on their strengths in managing their behaviour and help lift them to full flight.

18 Important Things That Kids With Anxiety Need to Know

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Filed under: Anxiety, Children

Tags: anger, anxiety, behaviour problems, children, kids, parenting, tantrum, teens

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https://fee.org/articles/why-obama-failed/

Why Obama Failed

Jeffrey Tucker 

No presidency in my lifetime was greeted with such enthusiasm and unhinged hope as that of Barack Obama. At the start of his first term, a cult-like following had already developed among the intellectual and media elite. It was the dawn of a new age, marked by exuberant anticipation of justice, fairness, equality, peace, and sea-to-shining-sea happiness, all of it predicted as a certainty once you consider the sheer intelligence, erudition, and good intentions of the great man. 

Salon sums up the Obama era thusly:

Obama campaigned on hope in 2008 and it helped turn out a large and diverse electorate, excited at the idea that this charming man who could be the hero of a feel-good movie would give us our happy ending. He spent the next years cultivating that image….. through it all, he radiated hope and racked up some impressive victories — passing universal health care legislation, killing Osama bin Laden, getting the federal bureaucracy largely working as it should again — that justified his heroic image.

Now two months following the greatest political upheaval most of us will ever witness, we are seeing the dawning of a new reality: Obama failed. The supposed successes such as the Affordable Care Act have become a handful of dust, and we are left with a huge amount of executive orders and signed legislation that seem destined for repeal. 

Eight years in office, and there’s not much to show for it. Economic growth never did take off. Hope and change ended in frustration and fear. The last month of the Obama years has been spent in a frenzy to do something, anything, important to secure his place in history: releasing prisoners, imposing new regulations, putting on the final spin. 

Why He Flopped

What was the source of the failure? It was the same at the beginning that it was at the end. Despite his intelligence, erudition, earnestness, and public-relations genius, and the mastery of all the Hollywood-style theatrics of the presidency, Obama’s central problem was his failure to address the driving concern of all of American life: the economic quality of our own lives. 

In other words, despite his hope and charm, his highly credentialed brain trust, his prestige cabinet, and all the enthusiasm of his followers, he did not end persistent economic stagnation. The movie has ended. We leave the theater with an empty popcorn-bag, a watery soda, and once again deal with the real world instead of the fantasy we watched on the screen. 

Now, you can chalk this up to many factors but let’s just suppose that Obama and his team truly did have the best intentions going into this. What was the missing piece? He never understood economics and he had very little appreciation for the power of freedom to create wealth and prosperity. 

The Greenbergs, not intending to make the same point, describe the problem:

His legacy regrettably includes the more than 1,000 Democrats who lost their elections during his two terms. Republicans now have total control in half of America’s states.

Why such political carnage?

Faced with the economy’s potential collapse as he took office, Mr. Obama devoted his presidency to the economic recovery, starting with restoring the financial sector. But he never made wage stagnation and growing inequality central to his economic mission, even though most Americans struggled financially for the whole of his term.

Which is to say that his failed economics agenda drove the party into the ground. 

At the same time, Mr. Obama declined to really spend time and capital explaining his initiatives in an effective way. He believed that positive changes on the ground, especially from economic policies and the Affordable Care Act, would succeed, vindicating his judgment and marginalizing his opponents.

He truly did believe it would work, whereas anyone with basic economics understanding could foresee that the ACA would fail. Anyone familiar with the history of socialism would know failure was baked into the entire command-and-control apparatus. 

Absent a president educating the public about his plans, for voters, the economic recovery effort morphed into bailouts — bank bailouts, auto bailouts, insurance bailouts. By his second year in office, he spotlighted the creation of new jobs and urged Democrats to defend our “progress.”

When President Obama began focusing on those “left behind” by the recovery, he called for building “ladders of opportunity.” That communicated that the president believed the country’s main challenges were unrealized opportunity for a newly ascendant, multicultural America, rather than the continuing economic struggle experienced by a majority of Americans.

Which is to say that he took wealth creation for granted, as if it were a machine that would run on its own without necessary fuel. His administration saw its job as the one the media and academic elite cheered on: achieving cosmetic gains for the gauzy causes of social justice, cultural inclusion, and progressive government management. To be sure, there are policy changes that could have been pursued on this front – such as ending the drug war and penal reform – but these were both too little and too late. 

Economic Ignorance

The first extended treatment I read of Obama’s economic outlook was from David Leonhardt in August 2008, based on a series of interviews with the candidate for president. As usual, Obama was compelling throughout. Concerning his actual views on economics, however, he became vague, defaulting back to a technocratic center that rejected both free markets and socialism. 

Leonhardt caught on quickly and commented: “He can be inspiring when talking about how the country ended up being the envy of the world. But when he comes to the part about what he wants to do next, how he wants to keep America the envy of the world, it can sound a little like a State of the Union laundry list.”

 A laundry list of policies is pretty much the whole of Obama’s economic thought. He never had a big idea, a mental framework for thinking about economic fundamentals. All the interviews in this period illustrate how brilliance does not come prepackaged with economic understanding. He simply had none. 

Obama never figured out where wealth comes from, the contribution of freedom to its creation, the role of property rights in securing prosperity, much less how government controls and mandates hold back growth. Every time these ideas were brought up, he would dismiss them as Reagan-era fictions. Moreover, denouncing trickle-down economics always elicited cheers from all the fashionable people. 

Technocratic Takeover

He took office in 2009 in the midst of a financial meltdown. He had to deal with a fantastic mess of bailouts and monetary interventions that he could not begin to understand. He continued his predecessor’s policies, agreeing with Bush’s zero-tolerance policy toward an economic downturn, however brief it might have been. He packed his economic team with technocrats and bailout masters and never looked back. 

To some extent, this was all understandable. The mainstream of the economics profession has long rendered the problem of generating prosperity as a matter of engineering. Scientific management of macroeconomic aggregates could manipulate outcomes, provided the right experts were in charge and given enough resources and power. Lacking independent convictions on the topic, Obama outsourced his knowledge to these mainstream conventions with all their pomp and conceit. They failed him and the rest of us completely.  

Eight years later, in an April 2016 interview in the same venue, Obama seems just as lost on the topic. “I can probably tick off three or four common-sense things we could have done where we’d be growing a percentage or two faster each year,” Obama said. “We could have brought down the unemployment rate lower, faster. We could have been lifting wages even faster than we did. And those things keep me up at night sometimes.”

To this day, he still has no ear for the topic. Precisely how might he have brought down unemployment? How was he going to lift wages? There is no control room in Washington, D.C., that you can enter and turn some dial to lower unemployment and boost wages. If there were, he surely would have done that. The relation between cause and effect in economics continues to elude him. 

In another interview in 2016, faced with failure in health care and jobs, his frustration on the topic yielded this bit of honesty. “One of the things that I've consistently tried to remind myself during the course of my presidency is that the economy is not an abstraction. It's not something that you can just redesign and break up and put back together again without consequences."

It's amazing that he would have to "remind" himself that no one can redesign an economy. Still, it's good that he figured out that much. Would that he has followed up further and earlier on the implications of that statement. He would then know that the government cannot create outcomes; it can only hinder them. 

Ruling Cannot Create Wealth 

In some ways, this highly educated man with impeccable credentials and all the right friends, was a victim of a system of education that suppressed the great truths about economics.  

Despite his vast knowledge on seemingly everything, and endless amounts of charm to sell himself to the public, he missed the one crucial thing. He never understood wealth is not a given; it must be created through enterprise and innovation, trade and experimentation, by real people who need the freedom to try, unencumbered by a regulatory and confiscatory state. This doesn’t happen just because there is a nice and popular guy in the White House. It happens because the institutions are right. 

That most simple lesson eluded him. Had it not, he might have turned failure to success. Instead of imposing vast new regulations, passing the worst health care reform in American history, saddling industry with endless burdens, he might have gone the other direction. 

Obama wisely said at the DNC convention that “we don’t look to be ruled.” “America has never been about what one person says he'll do for us,” he said. “It's always been about what can be achieved by us, together, through the hard, slow, sometimes frustrating, but ultimately enduring work of self-government.” 

It was supposed to be an attack on Trump. It might also be an attack on his own administration handled the economy. Would that he have seen that this is not just true in politics; it’s the core principle of economics too. 

And so he leaves office, confused about what went wrong, worried about his legacy, alarmed at the destruction of his party, and fearful about the forces of reaction that his health care reform and persistent economic stagnation has unleashed. There is an element of tragedy here. It is the fate of a man who knew everything except the one thing he needed to know in order to generate genuine and lasting hope and change. 

You can have all the highest hopes, best aspirations, vast public support, and all the prestige backing in the world. But if you can't get economics right, nothing else falls into place. 

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http://www1.cbn.com/books/its-my-pleasure-testament-value-simple-wisdom

It's My Pleasure a Testament to the Value of Simple Wisdom

Chick-fil-A has long been celebrated as a company that does things a little differently. From the familiar phrase “It’s my pleasure” ringing through its restaurants to being closed on Sunday, this fast food favorite has developed one of the most powerful and distinctive cultures in American business.

Chick-fil-A Vice President Dee Ann Turner believes much of the company’s success can be found in concentrating on the small details. Instead of focusing on success at any cost, the Atlanta based company has chosen to focus on honor, dignity, and respect in everything that they do. Simply put, it’s much more than selling a tasty chicken sandwich.

I recently sat down with Turner to discuss her new book, It’s My Pleasure, why Chick-fil-A is America’s favorite fast food restaurant, and why her company finds it of the highest importance to incorporate biblical principles into their business.

You have had a successful career as a corporate executive for one of the largest restaurant chains in America. I’m not sure author was on your list of career pursuits. I understand this book originated from a blog post. What inspired you to write It’s My Pleasure?

It was a combination of things that happened at the same time. I had lost the two biggest mentors in my life – my dad and Truett Cathy. Truett, of course, is the founder of Chick-fil-A. During the course of those 12 months I heard an Andy Stanley sermon about Joseph. His question in that sermon was, ‘God, what would you have me do in these circumstances?’ So, I started praying that prayer. The other part for me was I said if you say so, I will. This meant that if God told me to go meet somebody or to something I would do that. Through all of that a publisher that asked me whether I was interested in publishing a book contacted me. I told them I didn’t know. But then I poured out the first half of it while sitting on a beach over Christmas vacation. It was through that that I realized I had a lot to say. The two things that are the most important to me about it is that I wanted the people who didn’t know Truett and didn’t know his people principles to never forget them and the people who came after him would never forget them and also know. He would say, ‘We are not in the chicken business. We are in the people business.’

From a real high level, what do you think the key to success has been for Chick-fil-A over the years?

I think the single most important thing is, and Truett always said this, people decisions are the most important decisions we make. And the single most important people decision we make is who we give the key to the restaurants to. That restaurant leader, I believe with all my heart, and the consistency of the selection of those leaders and what they have done in their restaurants is to model a lot of things that Truett did with his very first restaurant. I think that is the key to the whole thing.

That leads me right into my next question. What does it take to create a compelling culture? Is there a set formula or does it differ from franchise to franchise?

I think there have been four key parts for Chick-fil-A. It all starts with knowing why you are in business at all. For Truett, the corporate purpose did not come about until Chick-fil-A had existed for about 20 years. It really came about in a time of crisis. We had hit our first sales slump ever which was in 1982. He had just opened a new Chick-fil-A campus in the southern part of Atlanta. He was heavily in debt. They were trying to figure out what they were going to do about this. Truett took his executives and went on a retreat. A lot of companies would come back with a reduction of job force plan, a new marketing plan for selling more chicken, a greater incentive plan, or a cost reduction plan. But they didn’t do that. They came back with a purpose for why we were in business at all. That is … to glorify God by being a faithful steward of everything entrusted to us and to be a positive influence on everyone who comes in contact with Chick-fil-A. That changed everything. We haven’t had a sales slump since then. In fact, we have had positive sales increases every year since. Amazing results happen when you just decide that business is something bigger than ourselves. It’s not just about selling chicken. It’s about the impact we can have on lives. Second is knowing your mission, what you are in business to do. And missions change over time. At one time, we were focused on being America’s best quick service restaurant that satisfies every guest. When we accomplished that we needed to have something new. Our current mission is really simple. Anyone can remember it. It is, “Be Remarkable”. That phrase is really important because what it really means is that we would be so remarkable in our food, service, and the guest experience that guests would want to remark about us in a positive way. Quickly, the last two are establishing your core values and lastly, a set of guiding principles.

In your book you write about nurturing an abundance mentality. Why is this important?

As a leader, I see this everyday. You can get so much more done when people don’t care who gets the credit. Or that they believe there is enough for everybody. In environments where there is a scarcity mentality you see it. People snitch behind people’s backs because somebody got a promotion and they didn’t. Or they are constantly doing things to claw their way to the top. We have tried to create a culture where there is enough for everybody. We want everybody to be wildly successful. There is a focus on the individual both at the corporate level and also among our franchisees. When everyone is successful we are all successful.

Recently, Chick-fil-A was voted America’s favorite fast food restaurant by the American Customer Satisfaction Index Restaurant Report. Earning this type of award just didn’t happen overnight. From your view, why does your restaurant have such an appeal with Americans?

I go back to what we were talking about a little while ago. Meticulous, careful selection of who receives the keys to our franchises. Truett used to say, ‘If I’m going to do this (quick service concept) I’ve got to find people who will run these restaurants like I would run them.’ He looked for people who had a heart to go into business for themselves but not necessarily the financial outlay required. He looked for people who had a servant’s heart. He looked for people who were leaders and could engage their employees and guests. He meticulously selected them and made sure everybody who did that work after him was just as careful. For instance, when I was doing corporate talent acquisition the last thing I would ask potential franchisee owners is why would I want my children to work for you? If I wouldn’t want my children to work for you then no one else would want their children to work for you. I wanted to hear that answer. That was one of the ways I used to make my decision about a franchisee on that basis. This has permeated throughout our business because Truett did it right from the start. It’s so much easier when you start your business that way. It’s the foundation for everything.

An important concept that Chick-fil-A stresses is something called Second Mile Service. I understand it is based on a biblical principle. Can you explain?

If you go back to the New Testament of Matthew, Jesus teaches, and He explains that if a Roman soldier asks you to carry his pack one mile then carry it for two. That was the premise for the whole thing. It actually came from Dan Cathy (Truett’s son), this idea of if we want to endear people to us than we have to go above and beyond the others. With first mile service, you come into our restaurant and you expect your order to be correct, you expect to receive it in a timely manner, you expect the team members to be reasonably friendly, and you expect the restaurant to be clean. But with second mile service that’s where we become remarkable. What you might not be expecting is that large orders are going to be carried out to your car for you. Or somebody is going to come by and refresh your beverage at your table. They might bring a big pepper grinder and put fresh ground pepper on your salad.

As an author, what is the one thing you want your readers to get out of reading It’s My Pleasure?

Everything we do is an opportunity to impact the lives of others. Some are called to sell chicken but that doesn’t mean we sell chicken for chicken sake. We try to impact lives all over the world. In the book, I write about some of the things we do internationally in places that have never heard of Chick-fil-A or Truett Cathy. We are impacting lives through this trickle down effect in our organization. When you commit yourself to doing something that’s impactful for generations to come I think that is much more significant and fulfilling.

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