My Advice To Married Couples After Divorcing My Wife Of 16 Years By Gerald Rogers.

http://afterjujuman.wordpress.com/2013/08/23/my-advice-to-married-couples-after-divorcing-my-wife-of-16-years-by-gerald-rogers/

Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had

1. Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2. Protect your own heart. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3. Fall in love over and over again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4. Always see the best in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

5. It’s not your job to change or fix her… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

6. Take full accountability for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

7. Never blame your wife if you get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

8. Allow your woman to just be. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

9. Be silly… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10. Fill her soul everyday… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.

11. Be present. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

12. Be willing to take her sexually, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

13. Don’t be an idiot…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

14. Give her space… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)

15. Be vulnerable… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16. Be fully transparent. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17. Never stop growing together… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18. Don’t worry about money. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19. Forgive immediately and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

20. Always choose love. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.

In the end marriage isn’t about happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come. Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.

These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late. But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I loved being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.

If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.

MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE: Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from. Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.

(From the Editor: We wish  to thank Joachim Cabanyes for sending it  to us for publication,   Joachim Cabanyes is an honorary member of Authors-choice blog.)

 

UNTO US A CHILD IS BORN

Few things strike me like this particular devotional did. "Unto US a child is born."  I have never viewed the birth of Jesus as if The Child had been born TO ME! The very thought has had a profound and sobering effect on me this morning. I have been given a Life to nurture, care for, nourish, protect, love and launch into the world. It is a perspective I have never entertained.  I am awed, rebuked, humbled, challenged and inspired by this thought. "Unto US a Child is born..."

(Thank you, Christine Wyrtzen!)

The following is copied from the daily email by Christine Wyrtzen (Daughters of Promise) and can be found online at this link:

http://campaign.r20.constantcontact.com/render?ca=e7fc6db7-b1b3-4617-8e21-28baff6a7831&c=5d0855f0-3639-11e3-8e94-d4ae52754b78&ch=5e3bf3f0-3639-11e3-8eb3-d4ae52754b78

HE'S NOT JUST MARY'S BABY 

For a child will be born to us, a son will be given to us; and the government will rest on His shoulders.  Isaiah 9:6 

    "Congratulations, you have a son!" are words to celebrate.  Life will never be the same for those who hold their newborn child in their arms and set out to parent him for the rest of his life.  The weight of responsibility is both frightening and wonderful. 

      Isaiah made it clear that Emmanuel was coming, that He would be born to 'us', not just Mary.  Yet, many will treat him casually, walk by the manger and shrug their shoulders in indifference.  They do not know that He is theirs to embrace, to love, to know.

      I encourage us to pray creatively this Christmas.  In the stillness of some stolen moments, let us close our eyes and pick up the baby in the manger.  Let us exclaim in wonder, "You were given to me.  Oh, you're beautiful.  You're my Emmanuel.  My Savior.  I'll do everything I can to really know You."  Lay His head against your cheek and rock Him gently.

    Such ownership and investment will, most likely, awaken our heart to the reality that faith is about relationship, not ethics and education.  Affection for the Savior can grow stale in the halls of institutions.  Seminary studies promise nothing more than intellectual prowess if not rooted in the sweet embrace of the Christ-child.  Let's blow the dust off the padlock that guards our hearts.  Let's speak to our fear that causes us to study rather than love, ponder rather than embrace.  Mary gave her heart at the manger and it was still engaged at the foot of the cross thirty-three years later.  She never lost her first love and wonder.

 

"You have been born to me.  I want to experience You like never before this Christmas.  Amen"

 

Journal Question:  Describe the last time when you were overwhelmed by the gift of Jesus.  When was it?  What was happening at the time?  How did it affect you?  What needs to happen for you to feel this again?  Ask God to remove the mountain that separates you.      

Christine Wyrtzen

    Daughters of Promise  

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN’S BRAINS REVEALED?

http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/12/02/the-difference-between-men-and-womens-brains-revealed-in-this-photo/

In an attempt to better understand the differences between the brains of men and women, scientists scanned the brains of 949 young men and women in the biggest investigation of its kind thus far.

Researchers at the University of Pennsylvania found that the female brain is “hard-wired” to be better at multi-tasking, while men are better at concentrating on single, complex activities.

Undated handout photo issued by National Academy of Sciences of brain networks showing significantly increased within hemispheres in males (upper) and between hemispheres in females (lower). (Caption via the Daily Mail)

Women everywhere are probably nodding their heads in approval and muttering “I told you so” under their breath, but there is also some advantages found in the male brain.

Using “hi-tech diffusion MRI imaging,” scientists mapped the connections between different parts of the brain and discovered that women have much better connections between the left and right sides of the brain. However, men showed more activity within the brain’s individual parts, particularly in the cerebellum, the part of the brain that controls motor skills.

Motor skills would include things like parking a car, learning to ride a bike and reading a map.

More from the Daily Mail:

Men also have better connections between the front and back of the brain, giving them a better ability to quickly perceive information and use it immediately to carry out complex tasks.

This means they are better at things such as learning to swim or, as the old bone of contention has it, parking a car. Women are better at, for example, remembering a face, which means making connections between different parts of the brain.

The results are likely to be seen as  supporting the theory behind best-selling pop psychology book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus – that the sexes are as different as alien races.

Of course, no study is perfect and there will certainly be individuals whose brain functioning appear at odds with the findings of the research.

Dr. Ragini Verma told the Daily Mail that she and her colleagues wanted to see “what would the male brain look like and what would the female brain look like” if 1,000 people were analyzed.

“The research shows that if women and men are given a task that involves both logical thinking and intuitive thinking, women will do it better – they are better at connecting the left and the right sides of the brain,” she added.

The study included 428 men and 521 females between the ages of 8 and 22.

–

The history book your kids will want to read! History is about so much more than memorizing facts. It is about the story. Glenn Beck’s latest book, Miracles and Massacres, is history as you've never heard it told. It's incredible events that you never knew existed. And it's stories so important and relevant to today that you won't have to ask: Why didn't they teach me this? Order your copy today!

Mentally Strong People: The 13 Things They Avoid

http://www.forbes.com/sites/cherylsnappconner/2013/11/18/mentally-strong-people-the-13-things-they-avoid/

SLEEP AND THE 8-HOUR MANDATE ANXIETY

The myth of the eight-hour sleep

http://m.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-16964783

By Stephanie Hegarty BBC World Service

22 February 2012 Last updated at 16:58

We often worry about lying awake in the middle of the night - but it could be good for you. A growing body of evidence from both science and history suggests that the eight-hour sleep may be unnatural.

In the early 1990s, psychiatrist Thomas Wehr conducted an experiment in which a group of people were plunged into darkness for 14 hours every day for a month.

It took some time for their sleep to regulate but by the fourth week the subjects had settled into a very distinct sleeping pattern. They slept first for four hours, then woke for one or two hours before falling into a second four-hour sleep.

Though sleep scientists were impressed by the study, among the general public the idea that we must sleep for eight consecutive hours persists.

In 2001, historian Roger Ekirch of Virginia Tech published a seminal paper, drawn from 16 years of research, revealing a wealth of historical evidence that humans used to sleep in two distinct chunks.

His book At Day's Close: Night in Times Past, published four years later, unearths more than 500 references to a segmented sleeping pattern - in diaries, court records, medical books and literature, from Homer's Odyssey to an anthropological account of modern tribes in Nigeria.

Much like the experience of Wehr's subjects, these references describe a first sleep which began about two hours after dusk, followed by waking period of one or two hours and then a second sleep.

"It's not just the number of references - it is the way they refer to it, as if it was common knowledge," Ekirch says.

During this waking period people were quite active. They often got up, went to the toilet or smoked tobacco and some even visited neighbours. Most people stayed in bed, read, wrote and often prayed. Countless prayer manuals from the late 15th Century offered special prayers for the hours in between sleeps.

And these hours weren't entirely solitary - people often chatted to bed-fellows or had sex.

A doctor's manual from 16th Century France even advised couples that the best time to conceive was not at the end of a long day's labour but "after the first sleep", when "they have more enjoyment" and "do it better".

Ekirch found that references to the first and second sleep started to disappear during the late 17th Century. This started among the urban upper classes in northern Europe and over the course of the next 200 years filtered down to the rest of Western society.

By the 1920s the idea of a first and second sleep had receded entirely from our social consciousness.

He attributes the initial shift to improvements in street lighting, domestic lighting and a surge in coffee houses - which were sometimes open all night. As the night became a place for legitimate activity and as that activity increased, the length of time people could dedicate to rest dwindled.

In his new book, Evening's Empire, historian Craig Koslofsky puts forward an account of how this happened.

"Associations with night before the 17th Century were not good," he says. The night was a place populated by people of disrepute - criminals, prostitutes and drunks.

"Even the wealthy, who could afford candlelight, had better things to spend their money on. There was no prestige or social value associated with staying up all night."

That changed in the wake of the Reformation and the counter-Reformation. Protestants and Catholics became accustomed to holding secret services at night, during periods of persecution. If earlier the night had belonged to reprobates, now respectable people became accustomed to exploiting the hours of darkness.

This trend migrated to the social sphere too, but only for those who could afford to live by candlelight. With the advent of street lighting, however, socialising at night began to filter down through the classes.

In 1667, Paris became the first city in the world to light its streets, using wax candles in glass lamps. It was followed by Lille in the same year and Amsterdam two years later, where a much more efficient oil-powered lamp was developed.

                 

Roger Ekirch says this 1595 engraving by Jan Saenredam is evidence of activity at night

London didn't join their ranks until 1684 but by the end of the century, more than 50 of Europe's major towns and cities were lit at night.

Night became fashionable and spending hours lying in bed was considered a waste of time.

"People were becoming increasingly time-conscious and sensitive to efficiency, certainly before the 19th Century," says Roger Ekirch. "But the industrial revolution intensified that attitude by leaps and bounds."

Strong evidence of this shifting attitude is contained in a medical journal from 1829 which urged parents to force their children out of a pattern of first and second sleep.

"If no disease or accident there intervene, they will need no further repose than that obtained in their first sleep, which custom will have caused to terminate by itself just at the usual hour.

"And then, if they turn upon their ear to take a second nap, they will be taught to look upon it as an intemperance not at all redounding to their credit."

Today, most people seem to have adapted quite well to the eight-hour sleep, but Ekirch believes many sleeping problems may have roots in the human body's natural preference for segmented sleep as well as the ubiquity of artificial light.

                 

A small city like Leipzig in central Germany employed 100 men to tend to 700 lamps

This could be the root of a condition called sleep maintenance insomnia, where people wake during the night and have trouble getting back to sleep, he suggests.

The condition first appears in literature at the end of the 19th Century, at the same time as accounts of segmented sleep disappear.

"For most of evolution we slept a certain way," says sleep psychologist Gregg Jacobs. "Waking up during the night is part of normal human physiology."

The idea that we must sleep in a consolidated block could be damaging, he says, if it makes people who wake up at night anxious, as this anxiety can itself prohibit sleeps and is likely to seep into waking life too.

Russell Foster, a professor of circadian [body clock] neuroscience at Oxford, shares this point of view.

"Many people wake up at night and panic," he says. "I tell them that what they are experiencing is a throwback to the bi-modal sleep pattern."

But the majority of doctors still fail to acknowledge that a consolidated eight-hour sleep may be unnatural.

"Over 30% of the medical problems that doctors are faced with stem directly or indirectly from sleep. But sleep has been ignored in medical training and there are very few centres where sleep is studied," he says.

Jacobs suggests that the waking period between sleeps, when people were forced into periods of rest and relaxation, could have played an important part in the human capacity to regulate stress naturally.

In many historic accounts, Ekirch found that people used the time to meditate on their dreams.

"Today we spend less time doing those things," says Dr Jacobs. "It's not a coincidence that, in modern life, the number of people who report anxiety, stress, depression, alcoholism and drug abuse has gone up."

So the next time you wake up in the middle of the night, think of your pre-industrial ancestors and relax. Lying awake could be good for you.

Craig Koslofsky and Russell Foster appeared on The Forum from the BBC World Service. Listen to the programme here.

12 Things Happy People Do Differently

12 Things Happy People Do Differently -- And Why I Started Doing Them

(Article copied)

The Blog

Jacob SokolSep 26, 2013

A lot of people have midlife crises. Me, I had a quarter-life crisis a few years ago, when I turned 24. There was no impulse purchase involving a red Mustang or electric guitar, but as my iPhone alarm woke me up bright and early for work one morning in my two-bedroom NYC apartment, I pondered, "Do I have everything -- or nothing at all?"

My gut said that there had to be more to life than the rat race of what I was doing (IT consulting). But I just wasn't sure what it was or who I could turn to for wisdom outside of "the Matrix."

I decided to embark on a journey to find out. I quit my job, minimized my expenses, went to Hawaii and got very serious (in a wild sort of way) about discovering what made me tick. I found out there are a lot of people like me -- young, energetic, intense, purpose-driven, but frustrated with the status quo and a little freaked out about our prospects for the future. I decided to dedicate my life to seeking out the wisdom we need to create extraordinary lives with a deep sense of purpose in a world of immense uncertainty.

Early on, I stumbled across this quote from Dan Millman [1]:

I'd always believed that a life of quality, enjoyment, and wisdom were my human birthright and would be automatically bestowed upon me as time passed. I never suspected that I would have to learn how to live -- that there were specific disciplines and ways of seeing the world I had to master before I could awaken to a simple, happy, uncomplicated life.

That about summed up where I was and what I was discovering. I couldn't just wait for happiness and satisfaction to find me; I was going to have to make my own. So I've been doing that and coaching others on how to do the same ever since.

One of the coolest things I found early on is that studies conducted by positivity psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky point to 12 things happy people do differently to increase their levels of happiness. Here are a dozen things that any of us -- at any age or stage of life -- can start doing today to feel the effects of more happiness in our lives [2].

1. Express gratitude. -- When you appreciate what you have, what you have appreciates in value. Kinda cool right?  So basically, being grateful for the goodness that is already evident in your life will bring you a deeper sense of happiness. And that's without having to go out and buy anything. It makes sense. We're gonna have a hard time ever being happy if we aren't thankful for what we already have.
2. Cultivate optimism. -- Winners have the ability to manufacture their own optimism. No matter what the situation, the successful diva is the chick who will always find a way to put an optimistic spin on it. She knows failure only as an opportunity to grow and learn a new lesson from life. People who think optimistically see the world as a place packed with endless opportunities, especially in trying times [3].
3. Avoid over-thinking and social comparison. -- Comparing yourself to someone else can be poisonous. If we're somehow "better" than the person that we're comparing ourselves to, it gives us an unhealthy sense of superiority. Our ego inflates -- KABOOM -- our inner Kanye West comes out!  If we're "worse" than the person that we're comparing ourselves to, we usually discredit the hard work that we've done and dismiss all the progress that we've made. What I've found is that the majority of the time this type of social comparison doesn't stem from a healthy place. If you feel called to compare yourself to something, compare yourself to an earlier version of yourself.
4. Practice acts of kindness. -- Performing an act of kindness releases serotonin in your brain. (Serotonin is a substance that has TREMENDOUS health benefits, including making us feel more blissful.) Selflessly helping someone is a super powerful way to feel good inside. What's even cooler about this kindness kick is that not only will you feel better, but so will people watching the act of kindness. How extraordinary is that? A side note is that the job of most anti-depressants is to release more serotonin. Move over Pfizer, kindness is kicking ass and taking names.
5. Nurture social relationships. -- The happiest people on the planet are the ones who have deep, meaningful relationships. Did you know studies show that people's mortality rates are DOUBLED when they're lonely? WHOA!  There's a warm fuzzy feeling that comes from having an active circle of good friends who you can share your experiences with. We feel connected and a part of something more meaningful than our lonesome existence.
6. Develop strategies for coping. -- How you respond to the "craptastic" moments is what shapes your character. Sometimes crap happens -- it's inevitable. Forrest Gump knows the deal. It can be hard to come up with creative solutions in the moment when manure is making its way up toward the fan. It helps to have healthy strategies for coping pre-rehearsed, on-call, and in your arsenal at your disposal.
7. Learn to forgive. -- Harboring feelings of hatred is horrible for your well-being. You see, your mind doesn't know the difference between past and present emotion. When you "hate" someone, and you're continuously thinking about it, those negative emotions are toxic for your well-being. You put yourself in a state of suckerism (technical term) and it stays with you throughout your day.
8. Increase flow experiences. -- Flow is a state in which it feels like time stands still. It's when you're so focused on what you're doing that you become one with the task. Action and awareness are merged. You're not hungry, sleepy, or emotional. You're just completely engaged in the activity that you're doing. Nothing is distracting you or competing for your focus.
9. Savor life's joys. -- Deep happiness cannot exist without slowing down to enjoy the joy. It's easy in a world of wild stimuli and omnipresent movement to forget to embrace life's enjoyable experiences. When we neglect to appreciate, we rob the moment of its magic. It's the simple things in life that can be the most rewarding if we remember to fully experience them.
10. Commit to your goals. -- Being wholeheartedly dedicated to doing something comes fully-equipped with an ineffable force. Magical things start happening when we commit ourselves to doing whatever it takes to get somewhere. When you're fully committed to doing something, you have no choice but to do that thing. Counter-intuitively, having no option -- where you can't change your mind -- subconsciously makes humans happier because they know part of their purpose.
11. Practice spirituality. -- When we practice spirituality or religion, we recognize that life is bigger than us. We surrender the silly idea that we are the mightiest thing ever. It enables us to connect to the source of all creation and embrace a connectedness with everything that exists. Some of the most accomplished people I know feel that they're here doing work they're "called to do."
12. Take care of your body. -- Taking care of your body is crucial to being the happiest person you can be. If you don't have your physical energy in good shape, then your mental energy (your focus), your emotional energy (your feelings), and your spiritual energy (your purpose) will all be negatively affected [4]. Did you know that studies conducted on people who were clinically depressed showed that consistent exercise raises happiness levels just as much as Zoloft?Not only that, but here's the double whammy... Six months later, the people who participated in exercise were less likely to relapse because they had a higher sense of self-accomplishment and self-worth.

So there you have it. No new flashy car or leather jacket needed -- just simple, scientifically-grounded wisdom for long-term happiness. These are all things you can start implementing today -- with or without a career change -- so I hope you pick one thing and commit to rocking it.

In my upcoming blogs, I'll share more wisdom on all these topics and more. In the meantime, you can come see how my own wisdom-seeking efforts (and those of some other really cool purpose-driven peeps) are proceeding at Sensophy.com.

Footnotes:

1. Millman, D. Way of the Peaceful Warrier. H.J.KRAMER, 1984. Print.
2. Lyubomirsky, Sonja. The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want. New York: Penguin Press, 2008. Print.
3. Tiger, Lionel. Optimism: The Biology of Hope. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1979. Print.
4. Loehr, James E, and Tony Schwartz. The Power of Full Engagement: Managing Energy, Not Time, Is the Key to High Performance and Personal Renewal. New York: Free Press, 2003. Print.

Article can be found at:

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/3869793

MODERATION: CREATIVE NEGOTIATION

See Journal Entry 8-18-13 (pp.25,26)

While reading Philippians 4:5,

"Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord [is] at hand,"

I started researching the term "YIELD," and I stumbled upon this VERY interesting and insightful article. 

Read the article:

http://nature.berkeley.edu/ucce50/ag-labor/7article/article02.htm

MODERATION = G1933 (epieikes), 1)seeming, suitable 

2) equitable, fair, mild, gentle

Root: 

1503 (eiko) to be like (as in a faint copy)

1909 (dpi) on, over across, against

PICTURE: 4-Way Stop

QUOTE:

"On the plus side, compromise takes a measure of goodwill and little creativity. On the minus side, compromise often involves lazy communication or problem solving. You may have heard the classic tale of two sisters who argued over who would get an orange. They compromised and split it in half. One sister ate her half and threw away the peel; the other, who was involved in a cooking project, grated the peel of her half and threw away the rest of the orange."

"Creative negotiation involves looking for the hidden opportunities presented by challenges."

1. Our natural tendency is to come up with stances,

2. We are inclined to focus exclusively on our needs

3. Our emotions get in the way regularly

4. We frequently fail to explore beyond the obvious solution

Creative Negotiation

Gregorio Billikopf Encina
University of California

(This article was incorporated into a full chapter at http://www.cnr.berkeley.edu/ucce50/ag-labor/7labor/17.htm)
^{ROMANS 12:18} If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

THINK AND GROW RICH: NAPOLEON HILL (FULL LENGTH MOVIE)

Whether or not you believe in the power of positive thinking, or wether you embrace the words of Paul the Apostle in the Bible in Philippians 4:8, you cannot deny the scientific truth that whatever you focus on you will move toward.  This is an undeniable fact.

Some people scoff at the Dale Carnegie principle that basically says that you can change the outcome of things by the power of the mind.  Verifiable instances of individuals being able to lower their heart rate through the power of thought put a kink in the skeptical minds of the naysayers.  But I will venture to say that you will find that the "unlucky" people in the world are more often than not the ones who do NOT believe that what you think, you become.  Conversely, those who believe that thoughts are a power beyond logic are more often than not ones who, by some strange phenomenon, seem to rise have uncanny successes and more than their share of happiness in life.

Take a very thoughtful and careful glance at the concepts of Napoleon Hill, based on the foundation of what he gleaned from Dale Carnegie who said, "You ARE what you THINK."

I AM A WOLF: "WISDOM OF WOLVES"

The folllowing exerpt is from Twyman Towery, Ph.D., a professional speaker and consultant who studied the lessons of leadership in nature, has captured them in a book for Simple Truths called Wisdom of Wolves. Twyman shares the parallels between the wolf pack and human behavior...in business life, family life, and personal life.

An excerpt from Wisdom of Wolves by Twyman Towery

The attitude of the wolf can be summed up simply: it is a constant visualization of success. The collective wisdom of wolves has been progressively programmed into their genetic makeup throughout the centuries. Wolves have mastered the technique of focusing their energies toward the activities that will lead to the accomplishment of their goals. Wolves do not aimlessly run around their intended victims, yipping and yapping. They have a strategic plan and execute it through constant communication. When the moment of truth arrives, each understands his role and understands exactly what the pack expects of him. The wolf does not depend on luck. The cohesion, teamwork and training of the pack determines whether the pack lives or dies. There is a silly maxim in some organizations that everyone, to be a valuable member, must aspire to be the leader. This is personified by the misguided CEO who says he only hires people who say they want to take his job. Evidently this is supposed to ensure that the person has ambition, courage, spunk, honesty, drive—whatever. In reality, it is simply a contrived situation, with the interviewee jumping through the boss's hoops. It sends warnings of competition and one-upmanship throughout the organization rather than signals of cooperation, teamwork and loyalty. Everyone does not strive to be the leader in the wolf pack. Some are consummate hunters or caregivers or jokesters, but each seems to gravitate to the role he does best. This is not to say there are not challenges to authority, position and status—there are. But each wolf's role begins emerging from playtime as a pup and refines itself through the rest of its years. The wolf's attitude is always based upon the question, "What is best for the pack?" This is in marked contrast to us humans, who will often sabotage our organizations, families or businesses, if we do not get what we want. Wolves are seldom truly threatened by other animals. By constantly engaging their senses and skills, they are practically unassailable. They are masters of planning for the moment of opportunity to present itself, and when it does, they are ready to act. Because of training, preparation, planning, communication and a preference for action, the wolf's expectation is always to be victorious. While in actuality this is true only 10 percent of the time or less, the wolf's attitude is always that success will come—and it does.

REALITY IS NOT NECESSARILY WHAT YOU SEE

Commentary:  Reality Shows 

8/21/13.  MikeHuckabee.com

QUOTING:

"Friends and family of reality star Gia Aleemand are still in shock over the news that she died Wednesday, apparently after trying to take her own life. The star of ABC’s “The Bachelor” was just 29. She was beautiful, famous and envied by countless strangers. She seemed to be well-grounded and happy. Once again, it serves as a sobering reminder to young people who worship celebrities and wish they could be beautiful and famous, too, that those things alone don’t protect you from the pains of life.

With the rise of reality shows, people feel they truly know the person on their TV screens, but there has yet to be a reality show that actually showed reality. We can never really know what goes on behind other people’s closed doors. If you want the truth, don’t look for it on television, any more than you should look to fame, beauty or wealth for happiness and fulfillment. That cautionary tale was first told over a century ago, in a poem called “Richard Cory,” about a handsome, wealthy man admired by everyone – a perfect candidate for “The Bachelor” - who suddenly, one night, killed himself. And in the poem, as so often in real life, we never do learn the reason why. "

DUCK DYNASTY'S PHIL ROBINSON SHARES SALVATION EXPERIENCE

http://youtu.be/7KwrmlTPI8w

THROW YOUR HEART OVER THE BAR

Poll colters say: if you can get your heart over the bar, the body will follow. 

This is true in any endeavor. 

http://www.onyxministry.org//01/over-bar.html?m=1

NARCISSISM IN THE USA

The following USA today article

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/08/06/science/seeing-narcissists-everywhere.html

GENERATION GAP, HOAX OR FLAWED PERSPECTIVE

In a LinkedIn Article, 8-2-13,

What Millennials Really Want Out of Work

https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20130801172600-69244073-what-millennials-really-want-out-of-work?ref=email&_mSplash=1

the author surveys and reports on the commonalities of what was once thought to be a vast chasm of differences. 

This very interesting and insightful article goes a long way to dispel the Generation Gap theory and compels us to look at our "similarities" rather than our "differences."  We can appeal to a younger generation by focusing on our common hopes and dreams, intrinsic and extrinsic desires. In short, we are really all looking for the same things out of life. This should link us together.  Maybe the "gap" that we perceive is more a perception than a reality, more a talking problem that could be solved with more listening. 

"Be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath." (James1:19)

READ THE WHOLE ARTICLE
https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20130801172600-69244073-what-millennials-really-want-out-of-work?ref=email&_mSplash=1

MY INSIGHTS WERE:

Baby Boomers were born 1946 to1964, Generation X, 1965 and 1981, Millennials between 1982 and 2000. Next generation tag will be ...?

THE ARTICLE STATED, "This is what psychologist Jennifer Deal has found in independent research. In Retiring the Generation Gap, she writes: “All generations have similar values; they just express them differently.” We might have unique ways of getting there, but we pretty much want the same things out of work."

She said:

"The high schoolers rated the importance of various job attributes on a 1-5 scale, where 1=not at all important and 5=very important. Twenge and her colleagues grouped the questions into five categories of work values:

• Intrinsic: interesting work, learning opportunities, being challenged
• Extrinsic: pay, promotions, status
• Altruistic: helping others, contributing to society
• Leisure: vacation time, work-life balance
• Social: interacting with others, making friends

END QUOTE

But all the values are surprisingly similar. 

Differences?

"Millennial generation do appear to beslightly more disobedient. When psychologists run the famous Milgram experiment today, asking people to deliver painful electric shocks, Millennials are more likely to object. They seem to care more about self-expression than social approval.

Narcissism

The biggest area of debate concerns narcissism, and Twenge has authored two insightful, witty popular books on this issue: Generation Me and The Narcissism Epidemic, with Keith Campbell. Both are based on findings that narcissism and entitlement scores are higher among Millennials than any other generation on record. 

"There is one place, though, where the experts agree: age differences swamp generational differences. Narcissism is driven much more heavily by age than by generation. Psychologist Brent Roberts and his colleagues have assembled an impressive body of data suggesting that “every generation is Generation Me, as every generation of younger people are more narcissistic than their elders.”

In essence, we are all made out of the same fabric, with Adam and Evenas our progenitors and human frailty as our heritage. We come from the same heritage, the same stock. At best, we are all self-centered in that we have an I ate desire to pursue life, liberty and happiness. We are really all quite the same. 

What I took from the article is this:

We all have the same desires in life. Our choice of HOW to reach those desires is vastly different! However, IF we can recognize that other generations WANT the same things (even if they are woefully misguided in their path to reach them), THEN we may be able to build a common goal bridge to interact with those generations we PERCEIVE to be so different from us. Our perception of them has become our reality, and that concept builds walls instead of bridges. 

Do we agree that the younger generations are on a philosophical, moral and spiritual dead end street? ABSOLUTELY!!

My question is: Has our method(s) to reach them been successful? Rhetorically, NO! Then there is an option we have not yet implemented and I contend that we can use the information gained in this study to energize our hope for success in bridging the gap BY finding the similarities in our image desires and focusing our conversation ON the desire we share and using THAT as our introductory draw bridge. After all, "If we always do what we've always done, then we'll always get what we've always gotten."

You and I do NOT disagree. We are looking at the problem from different angles. True?

We have a generational problem. No argument there. But our current course of action IS NOT WORKING! I'm all about finding detours when in road blocked. This is a huge road block that DOES have an alternate route. We can sit in traffic and road rage... Or we can go "off the beaten path." Road trip, anyone?

(Selah)

"Let no one despise your youth..."

(1 Timothy 4:12)

Until another day,

JoanElise

MYTH OF THE TEENAGER

This is really very thought provoking.

http://www.home-school.com/Articles/myth-of-the-teenager.php

DR. BEN CARSON: GIFTED HANDS AND GIFTED HEART

Ben Carson, the subject of the movie "Gifted Hands: The Ben Carson Story" and book of the same title, is more than remarkable.  In an interview to promote the movie, Carson explains why his life moved from poverty to success.  Here, in 5 minutes, he incapsulates his life.  This should be sufficient to interest you in his books, the movie about his life and the following videos and interviews.  With over 50 honorary doctorates, this exceptional man is unashamed of his life lessons.



In this Penn State interview, Dr. Carson is interviewed about his life.



As keynote speaker at Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia in 2012, Dr. Carson lifts the spirits and ambitions of the graduating class.  In his intro, the moderator describes him as a man with"a wise heart harnassed to a keen and searching mind."  Dr. Carson receives Doctor of Humane Letters award and then gives the following inspirational and motivational speech.



In a CSPAN interview in November, 2007 on "Role Models," Dr. Carson talks about the link between societal success and
parental responsibility and ROLE MODELS.   When asked about criticisms of Bill Cosby's commentary on the state of black society Carson said, "We all have deficits and ways that we can improve in the African-American community." Don't miss the end of this video where Dr. Carson sites the accomplishments of black men and women throughout the course of American History.



In a Q & A Session video taped by an amateur attendee, Carson shares some of the lesser known facts about himself. Though the audio is not the best quality, it is well worth your time to hear the content of this session.



Here is an AUDIO ONLY of Dr. Carson speaking about "In His Image" and who made us.  As he said, "This lifts us to a higher plane."  Speaking to high schoolers specifically, Carson tells of his rise from dire poverty to his success in pedeatric neurosurgery.



Recently, this very gifted doctor was invited to speak at the National Prayer Breakfast (February 7, 2013).  What followed was certainly not what was expected by anyone, but has become an internet sensation.  Here, complements of C-SPAN2, is Dr. Carson's speech in its entirety.

NEURAL PATHWAYS AND HABIT PATTERNS

Here is a blog by Denny Coates called "Building Personal Strength" on Blogger

http://www.buildingpersonalstrength.com/2010/01/improving-personal-strengths-how-you.html?m=1

(See BUILDING PERSONAL STRENGTH.blogspot.com)

NEUROPLASTICITY: CHANGING YOUR BRAIN

https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20130220201130-117825785-developing-emotional-intelligence?_mSplash=1&sessionid=46THTqDS2YYLeAJfl1fC

LEADERSHIP 101

You know, "there is nothing new under the sun" (Ecclesiastes 1:9). Some of the most profound a and proven methods of leadership are as old as time itself, yet we continue to deal with leadership VOID of these characteristics. Thanks to LINKEDIN, here is a comprehensive list of those simple yet profound traits.

11 Simple Concepts To Become A Better Leader

https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20130128162711-15077789-11-simple-concepts-to-become-a-better-leader?_mSplash=1&sessionid=R6GvzEP2GB_sqt5OcGZ5

HYPERSEEING

In the daily publication, A SLICE OF INFINITY, Jill Carattini, managing editor, speaks of "hyper seeing."

(Jill works with the Ravi Zacharias International Ministries in
Atlanta, Georgia.)

She states,

"In the art and work of sculpture, there is a term used to describe an artist’s ability to look at an unformed rock and see it in its completed state. It has been said of the sculptor Henry Moore that he had the gift of “hyperseeing,” the gift of seeing the form and beauty latent in a mass of unshaped material.(4) Hyperseeing is a word used to describe a sculptor’s extraordinary gift of seeing in four dimensional space—that is, seeing all around the exterior but also seeing all points within, seeing in a rough piece of stone the astounding possibilities of art."

Here is the full article, titled "Hyperseeing From The Towers of Babel".

http://us5.campaign-archive2.com/?u=45b75085e6ab57e339ea89d67&id=b84877f828&e=4dcfd5b1ff

WHERE THERE IS NO VISION

CHALLENGE: What is Gods VISION for me?
Prov. 29:18 - where there is no vision the people perish
VISION=2387, vision in ecstasy, in night, divine communication/ oracle
From 2372, to see, perceive, look, behold

Job 19:25-27 "to SEE FOR MYSELF"

DILEMMA: no plan, goal, resolve...no VISION
THE WORD: Divine Communication

THINGS I WISH I HAD SAID TO MY DAUGHTERS

I wish I had been the originator, but I am not.  Thank you, Lisa Jo Baker, for sharing this.

http://lisajobaker.com/2012/07/raising-a-girl-100-things-i-want-to-teach-my-daughter/

DO YOU HEAR WHAT YOURE THINKING?

This is so true! We really aren't aware of the tapes that play over and over in our heads. Read and listen to "Change your story, change your life":

http://michaelhyatt.com/038-change-your-story-change-your-life-podcast.html

PITY PARTY CANCELLED

Ron Hutchcraft, in his daily devotional, asks us to stop having our own personal pity party and to look around and find someone else to help.

We all have the tendency to nurse our own wounds for much longer than necessary. I spent 20 years nursing mine, so I should be an expert in why NOT to hold daily pity parties. It's by far the most expensive type of party you will ever fund. It robs you of resources, energy and even life itself. When you are attending your own pity party, you are usually there alone, because it is the party no one else is interested in attending.

Think about it. If you are full of your own self pity, you are "full of pity" for yourself, therefore you are PITY-FULL, better known as PITIFUL. Is that how you want others to see you? Pitiful? Is that what you want to be: A PITIFUL HUMAN BEING?

Here is how Hutchcraft explained it:

http://touch.hutchcraft.com/a-word-with-you/your-hard-times/calling-off-the-pity-party-6786

One judge warned teens this way: