http://news.health.com/2016/04/06/this-is-what-happens-to-your-brain-on-no-sleep/

This Is What Happens To Your Brain On No Sleep

April 6, 2016 | By Alice Park, Time.com

Photo: Getty Images

Bedtime is one of the most important parts of the day for the brain. The latest studies show that when we slumber, the brain performs important housekeeping tasks that clear away the debris of the day’s work and help reset and restore nerve networks so they are ready to operate again at full capacity when we wake.

But a lack of sleep deprives the brain of this essential rest period, and our ability to get through the day might be compromised. In a small study published in the journal Radiology, a team of Chinese and European researchers report a more detailed analysis of how insomnia can affect specific types of brain nerves in parts of the brain that regulate cognition, emotion and sensory processes.

The researchers compared the brain images of 23 people with insomnia and 30 healthy controls. They specifically focused on white matter volume, which represents nerve cells that are coated in a special protein called myelin that improves their ability to send signals to one another. Earlier brain imaging studies had suggested that people with insomnia have differences in certain parts of the brain that could be connected to inadequate myelin. So Shumei Li from the Guangdong No. 2 Provincial People’s Hospital and her colleagues compared white matter function among people with insomnia and those who slept well.

RELATED: Why Interrupted Sleep Is Worse Than Short Sleep

They found that people with insomnia—defined as trouble sleeping for over a month that’s associated with daytime sleepiness and sleep disturbances—had significantly less white matter connectivity, especially between areas that control sleep and wakefulness, than those without insomnia. Li speculates that this disruption in signals between these regions was triggered by thinning of the myelin surrounding the neurons, which resulted in less chatter among them.

In fact, 83%, or five of the six major nerve tracts that the scientists analyzed, were reduced among people with insomnia. Most were concentrated in the right part of the brain, where emotions and many thinking functions are regulated, as well as where sensory information like sight, smell and touch are processed.

Li says that more studies are needed to explain what might be causing the brain differences in people with insomnia, but the results hint at a starting point.

This article originally appeared on Time.com.

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A Man of Sorrows and Acquainted With Grief

A Man of Sorrows and Acquainted With Grief

"We find Him closest in our deepest sorrow, dearest in our deepest despair, wisest in our greatest doubt. In agony, we catch a brief glimpse of Savior GOD, the true face of unfathomable understanding and love that will never let us go." 

JGR

5-30-16

http://m.ajc.com/news/lifestyles/parenting/volunteering-babies/nqXLg/

Local groups need volunteers to cuddle, care for babies

Volunteer in a NICU

If you want to comfort sick babies, you can volunteer in a local neonatal intensive care unit.

These newborns need love and comfort just as much as they need treatment from doctors, but sometimes parents are unable stay in the hospital and give their newborns constant affection.

That’s when volunteers are needed. They hold and rock the NICU babies when their parents are unavailable.

Be a respite parent or host family

Sometimes children need a temporary home. This can involve both babies and older kids.

Giving Children a Chance of Georgia's Respite Parent Program gives you the chance to watch over children when their foster family feels the need to take a day, weekend, or week off for vacation or an emergency.

Bethany Christian Services’ Safe Families Program is more long term. Parents voluntarily place their children with host families while dealing with a crisis or trying to resolve an issue.

The average stay is six weeks. 

Volunteer at a foster parents day off event

Throughout the year, GCAC of Georgia holds several days of planned activities for foster children. GCAC staff members watch over the kids, and foster parents get a day off. Extra volunteers are needed to help out with a variety of tasks on these days, including taking care of foster babies. Find out more on GCAC of Georgia’s website.  

But don't expect to just walk in and be handed a child. For most of these programs, you'll have to undergo a background check and interview, and meet other requirements.

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http://www.thefinancegirl.com/habits-you-need-to-stop/

11 Habits You Need to Stop

“Simple daily disciplines – little productive actions, repeated consistently over time – add up to the difference between failure and success.”
– Jeff Olson, The Slight Edge

This quote exemplifies exactly why it’s important to pay attention and be intentional with how you spend your time. If you spend most of your time laying around, watching TV, aimlessly reacting to what happens to you in your life, you’re not going to be as happy and fulfilled as you could be if you intentionally did actions that moved you toward your goals.

Specifically, there are 11 deadly habits that I think should be avoided if you want to lead a fulfilling life.

1. Stop watching too much TV

If you spend too much time watching TV, you are wasting your life away. I feel really strongly about this one. I don’t have cable, and while I do watch some shows on Netflix, it’s few and far between. I only watch TV after I really am relaxed and need a break. I’m also careful not to turn on the TV right when I get home. I find that if I do this, I’m sucked in.

So, start to pay attention to how much TV you’re watching. If you think it’s too much, cut back. Limit your TV intake to 30 minutes to 1 hour per day, if possible.

2. Stop talking about people behind their backs

Talking about someone behind her back is a bad idea for a number of reasons. First, if someone is talking to you behind someone else’s back, you can bet on it that they also will talk about you.

Second, did you know that when you talk about someone negatively, the person who you’re talking to will associate you with those qualities, not the person you’re talking about? For example, if you say that you tell your friend Amanda that your friend Beth is super annoying, then Amanda will actually subconsciously associate you with being annoying. Weird, but it happens (I read a book about it.. ).

And finally, it’s just not nice to talk about people behind their backs. So, instead, even when you think about someone negatively, bite your tongue and choose not to say it. Over time, you’ll get in the habit of saying nicer things, which will attract positive people in your life.

3. Don’t be a scarcity thinker

Scarcity thinking means that you think life is limited and only has so much to offer. People who have a scarcity mindset think there is always a winner and a loser (not two winners), they are exclusive (not inclusive), they are stingy with their knowledge, they resent competition, they are fearful, entitled and think small.

On the other hand, someone who is an abundance thinker believes there is always more to come, they invite and welcome competition, they default to trust, they think big, are thankful, and confident.

Be an abundance thinker.

4. Stop living paycheck to paycheck

Whatever you have to do to make it happen, stop living paycheck to paycheck. If it means moving to a smaller house, selling one of your cars, or stopping going out to eat altogether – do it.

The peace that comes with having financial margin is far more valuable than any of these things. And remember, it’s better to want than to owe.

5. Don’t blame anyone else for your circumstances

If you have a past that is less than perfect, whether it’s from a ruined relationship, a tough child, or something else that was completely out of your control, it is really easy to blame the person at fault. But you need to not do this.

Even if your circumstances are the result of someone else doing something to you, it’s only hurting you by blaming them. You will be stuck (probably in a scarcity mindset) not living your life to the fullest. Whatever it takes, do what you need to do to let go.

6. Don’t be your own worst enemy

If you’re a high achiever, there’s a good chance that you are also really hard on yourself. This is a habit that can be really detrimental to you in the long run.

Whatever phase of life you’re in, it’s important that you find contentment and practice being at peace regardless of what is going on around you. This will bring you greater joy.

7. Stop trying to help people who don’t ask for your help

Remember that it’s important to take care of yourself. You should be your number one priority (I’m talking about adults here – not your newborn child, who obviously needs your help). When it comes to grownups – don’t help people who don’t ask for help. If you are trying to change someone or “fix” them, I promise you that this is a battle you will lose (and it will be exhausting). Remember, if you are in a position of offering someone help and they didn’t ask for it, take a step back and let that person make their own choices.

8. Stop comparing yourself to other people

Stop comparing yourself to other people. This is particularly hard with social media because social media usually shows the highlights of people’s lives (not the whole picture).

Whenever you catch yourself comparing yourself to someone else, stop. Remember that your only competition is yourself. Someone is completely different than you and you shouldn’t compare your story with theirs.

9. Don’t wait to celebrate small wins

If you are on a long journey, like quitting smoking or paying off massive debt (something that takes a long time and is hard), don’t make the mistake of waiting to celebrate until you’ve accomplished your goal.

This is really hard for me. I started with $206k of student loan debt from law school, and I’m down to $122k. That’s a huge chunk gone, but I still find it hard to celebrate because I want it all gone. So, this habit is something I am working on.

By celebrating your smaller successes, you will attract more success and accomplish your goal even faster with more momentum.

10. Don’t say “yes” when you want to say “no”

If you want to say no to something, then say no. You need to learn how to say what you want to say. This isn’t a small thing. It’s really important in life for you to be able to make wise decisions that move you toward what you want in life.

If you say yes to the things you want to say no to, you won’t be able to say yes to the things you want to say yes to because there is only so much time in the day.

Part of being a mature, deep person means knowing who you are and committing, with certainty and conviction to your personal choices.

11. Don’t think you don’t have what it takes

My dad told me from a very young age that I could do anything I wanted to. He told me it didn’t matter that I wasn’t that smart and wasn’t in honors classes because I could just keep going and eventually out pace everyone if I stuck with it. He was right.

You don’t have to be the brightest or the most skilled to succeed. You can succeed and you can win with whatever you’re fighting for. The best asset that you have is you. And you have to know that and believe in yourself to make it happen.

A Final Note

This post is all about what not to do. It seems negative at first glance, but really it’s positive. By stopping harmful habits, you will start doing positive habits. You’ll find yourself being more productive, nicer, and happier. Sometimes it takes nixing the bad stuff to get to the good stuff!

What habits have you stopped (or do you need to stop)?

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15 Best Plants for Cleaner Indoor Air

https://weather.com/health/allergy/news/best-plants-for-cleaner-indoor-air

15 Best Plants for Cleaner Indoor Air | The Weather Channel

Outdoor air pollution's impact on public health is well-recorded while in the developed world, indoor air quality is often ignored. But the fact is, especially in the winter when we spend more time indoors, the health of the air inside our homes matters. (Winter is also when cases of carbon monoxide and radon poisoning inside homes spike.)

Indoor air quality is particularly important for people with indoor winter allergies, such as mold, dust and pet dander. These and other compounds in the air can make allergy symptoms worse while exacerbating other respiratory ailments, such as asthma.

Beyond common allergens, volatile organic compounds (VOC) in our indoor air, such as benzene, formaldehyde and trichloroethylene, have been linked to all kinds of issues, including cancer and neurological problems. But due to industrial uses — plus certain amounts of naturally occurring VOCs in the air, water and soil — these compounds are often present inside.

(ALLERGY TRACKER: See what's impacting your allergies)

In the 1980s, NASA scientists examined common indoor house plants as a way to promote clean air, with the thought that plants could serve as O2-producing sources on long space flights. The study has served as the benchmark piece of literature on plants and indoor air quality since.

All plants filter the air to some extent, experts say, but certain species were found to be more successful than others at removing harmful compounds when scientists examined the ratio of plant surface area to micrograms of pollution absorbed.

“All plants through their photosynthetic process harvest atmospheric conditions and then filter that out … [they are] hoping to harvest carbon dioxide in order to produce oxygen as a byproduct,” Marc Hachadourian, a plant scientist and a director at the New York Botanical Garden, told weather.com. “[Filtering pollutants] and storing them is sort of a byproduct of the process, just as you or I inhale pollution, and it gets into our bodies.”

NASA's list of the best plants for absorbing benzene, formaldehyde and trichloroethylene are rounded up in the slideshow above. (You can see a PDF of the original 1988 study here.) As a note, some of the plants are toxic to pets, so research any species before you buy it if you have animals at home.

As far as the effect of these plants on our day-to-day health, Hachadourian said he believes any impact on air quality is probably small though every little bit helps. But he said that, as “plant people” already know, adding green to your space can have other health benefits.

“[Studies report] lower levels of stress for people who work in an office environment with plants than where there are no plants,” he said as an example. “There have also been recent studies about getting outdoors in nature helping stress levels as well. So when it comes down to the bottom line, plants are great to have around for a variety of different reasons.”

MORE ON WEATHER.COM: The Worst Cities for Spring Allergies

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http://bobbyalbert.com/3-traits-reflect-abundance-mindset/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=wow_blog

3 Traits That Reflect an Abundance Mindset

When I was a young boy starting in junior high school and through college, I worked with my dad’s moving crews.  I took on being the “swampier” for the crews.  I did the work the others did not want to do or did not like to do.  I took one break from work to their two (The crew often would kid me that they were taking a chewing gum break because I did not smoke).  I also would run or walk fast between the house and the truck, passing them as they walked.  But why?

When I was in high school and in college, I always did the extra credit work not because I needed the extra grade because I usually already had an “A” in the class.  But why?

When my dad suddenly died and I became the boss at 20 years old, I would fall asleep most nights diligently studying about our industry and as well as trends in other industries.  But why?

Why?  Somehow I just knew that through all of the times that I gave this extra effort I was developing and building my character – who I was becoming.  I approached life with an abundance mindset and I knew that personally, I had so much more room to grow.

Insight: When you first grow you, and then grow your people, you will grow your business.

People with an abundance mindset believe that today’s short-term pain, sacrifice, and investment in time, energy, and money will eventually bring long-term growth, blessings, and success.

And they are more likely to see where they are going – their vision.

Every person can know where they are going by adopting the following three traits that reflect an abundance mindset.

The following are examples of abundant thinkers and scarcity thinkers:

Don’t Compare 

Abundant thinkers don’t compare themselves with others—only with themselves. They set realistic goals and then work to achieve them. They encourage others to do the same. Their goals are based (in a principled way) upon a logical study of achievable results in each step.

Scarcity thinkers continually ask themselves why they aren’t like others or why they do not have the things others have. If the “others” are younger, or prettier/more handsome, then the “others” are perceived to have an advantage.

In the workplace, these types of supervisors lead (in an expedient way) by keeping their workers subservient, since equality would be viewed as competition.

Think Win/Win

Abundant thinkers find common ground with their colleagues. They know that unresolved conflict is wasted time and energy and subtracts from an abundant environment. They see win-win, and assume that there is a way for all concerned to profit and thrive. They understand that constructive criticism (in a principled way) helps others to grow.

Scarcity thinkers want to be at the center of attention because they want all they can get for themselves. They know (sometimes unconsciously) that for this to happen others have to lose. They think that if they can use expedient means to get something done more quickly, their “win” justifies their “survival of the fittest” approach.

Embrace Gratitude

Abundant thinkers live lives of gratitude for the abundance of the world in which they live. They are positive and upbeat. To them, life is a continuously replenished bowl of fruit—all ripe for the taking. They teach others how to be positive and live in gratitude.

Scarcity thinkers are not grateful for what they have. They see their life’s accomplishments as the result of only their hard work and are unable to give heart-felt thanks to others for helping.

In the workplace, scarcity thinkers  teach their followers that life’s abundance is limited, and they had better do what they need to do to grab (in an expedient way) the brass ring.

You too, regardless of age, have so much more room to grow personally – who you are becoming.  And when you do, you will have an abundance mindset that will help you see where you are going – your vision.

Are you open to grow personally?  What challenge or opportunity are you facing today that would benefit from a shift toward greater abundance thinking?  Please share your comments <here> and share this blog post with friends, family and co-workers.

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https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/behind-online-behavior/201604/what-screen-time-really-does-kids-brains

What Screen Time Really Does to Kids' Brains

Screen time is an inescapable reality of modern childhood, with kids of every age spending hours upon hours in front of iPads, smartphones and televisions.

That’s not always a bad thing: Educational apps and TV shows are great ways for children to sharpen their developing brains and hone their communication skills—not to mention the break these gadgets provide harried parents. But tread carefully: A number of troubling studies connect delayed cognitive development in kids with extended exposure to electronic media. The US Department of Health and Human Services estimates that American children spend a whopping seven hours a day in front of electronic media. Other statistics reveal that kids as young as two regularly play iPad games and have playroom toys that involve touch screens.

Saturation and long-term consequences

When very small children get hooked on tablets and smartphones, says Dr. Aric Sigman, an associate fellow of the British Psychological Society and a Fellow of Britain’s Royal Society of Medicine, they can unintentionally cause permanent damage to their still-developing brains. Too much screen time too soon, he says, “is the very thing impeding the development of the abilities that parents are so eager to foster through the tablets. The ability to focus, to concentrate, to lend attention, to sense other people’s attitudes and communicate with them, to build a large vocabulary—all those abilities are harmed.”

Put more simply, parents who jump to screen time in a bid to give their kids an educational edge may actually be doing significantly more harm than good—and they need to dole out future screen time in an age-appropriate matter.

Between birth and age three, for example, our brains develop quickly and are particularly sensitive to the environment around us. In medical circles, this is called the critical period, because the changes that happen in the brain during these first tender years become the permanent foundation upon which all later brain function is built. In order for the brain’s neural networks to develop normally during the critical period, a child needs specific stimuli from the outside environment. These are rules that have evolved over centuries of human evolution, but—not surprisingly—these essential stimuli are not found on today’s tablet screens. When a young child spends too much time in front of a screen and not enough getting required stimuli from the real world, her development becomes stunted.

And not just for a while. If the damage happens during these crucial early years, its results can affect her forever.

Much of the issue lies with the fact that what makes tablets and iPhones so great—dozens of stimuli at your fingertips, and the ability to process multiple actions simultaneously—is exactly what young brains do not need.

Tablets are the ultimate shortcut tools: Unlike a mother reading a story to a child, for example, a smartphone-told story spoon-feeds images, words, and pictures all at once to a young reader. Rather than having to take the time to process a mother’s voice into words, visualize complete pictures and exert a mental effort to follow a story line, kids who follow stories on their smartphones get lazy. The device does the thinking for them, and as a result, their own cognitive muscles remain weak.

Trouble making friends

The brain’s frontal lobe is the area responsible for decoding and comprehending social interactions. It is in this corner of the mind that we empathize with others, take in nonverbal cues while talking to friends and colleagues, and learn how to read the hundreds of unspoken signs—facial expression, tone of voice, and more—that add color and depth to real-world relationships.

So how and when does the brain’s frontal lobe develop? Not surprisingly, the most crucial stage is in early childhood, during that same critical period, and it's dependent on authentic human interactions. So if your young child is spending all of his time in front of an iPad instead of chatting and playing with teachers and other children, his empathetic abilities—the near-instinctive way you and I can read situations and get a feel for other people—will be dulled, possibly for good.

Life has no on/off switch

Have you ever seen a mother chuckle as her baby tries to “swipe” a real photograph, or punch their fingers onto a poster or book as if it were a touchscreen? It may seem cute, but it points to something much deeper in the child’s brain—an internalization that all actions have an immediate effect, and all stimuli elicit a quick response.

This is true in the on-screen world, but nowhere else. When every finger swipe brings about a response of colors and shapes and sounds, a child’s brain responds gleefully with the neurotransmitter dopamine, the key component in our reward system that is associated with feelings of pleasure. Dopamine hits in the brain can feel almost addictive, and when a child gets too used to an immediate stimuli response, he will learn to always prefer smartphone-style interaction—that is, immediate gratification and response—over real-world connection.

This pattern mimics, in a less intense manner, the dangerous cycle psychologists and physicians regularly see in patients with drug and alcohol addictions.

Don’t trash those tablets for good

Despite the danger that overexposure to smartphones can pose for young brains, there are a lot of benefits to letting little ones use technology. Once a child is over the age of two, feel free to allow limited screen time—think an hour, max, of playing with tablets and iPhones each day—to help develop coordination, hone quick reactions, and even sharpen language skills. As with all the other toys and tools available to your developing child, smartphone use should stay in moderation, and never stand in for human interaction or real-world face time.

The bottom line? Power off regularly to help your child understand the clear boundaries between the virtual world and the real one.

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http://www.55andproud.com/staying-young/anti-aging-benefits-deep-breathing

Anti-Aging Benefits of Deep Breathing

Deep breathing has been touted by yogis for thousands of years, and more recently by skincare experts. Why? Deep breathing is good for you and benefits your entire body, not just your mental state when you’re stressed. Your skin also positively gains from taking time out to breath. A few of the benefits regular deep breathing can provide include:

More restful and less interrupted sleep. When you engage in consistent deep breathing, it give skin a more youthful and rested appearance. Plus, deep breathing helps improve the eye area (which is one of the first to show signs of aging) by decreasing dark circles and under eye bags.

Improved air flow and blood circulation. Deep breathing exercises improve your air flow, which then oxygenates your blood through the entire day. This slows the aging process by reducing the amount of free radicals and by ridding the body of toxins.

A better outlook and happier mood. A more positive mood is of of the more welcome changes people who begin to practice deep breathing say they feel. A more consistent better mood leads to looking better.  Feeling good equals looking good!

Reduced stress. There’s a reason why deep breathing is recommended when you’re feeling stressed out. People who practice deep breathing regularly show lowered levels of cortisol and lactate which are two of the chemicals the body releases when feeling stressed. These stress chemicals lower skin’s resistance to toxins and also affect your skin tone and complexion evenness. Reduced stress equals better skin!

There are various ways to practice deep breathing, but one of my favorite ways is to do it three times a day. 1. Breathe slowly and deeply through my nose, filling up your lungs as much as possible. 2. Hold your breath for five to seven seconds. 3. Release slowly through your mouth. 4. Repeat 10 times.

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http://seethegood.com/

Creative Aging

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THERE ARE DAYS THAT REMIND Meryl Klein why she founded Creative Aging as a way of enriching the lives of senior citizens through the arts: 

“I had an actor who was doing a monodrama about Abe Lincoln,” she says, recalling one of the nonprofit organization’s first performances, when it was based in Cincinnati, where she lived at the time. “One lady came in for the performance and seemed so totally out of touch with the world that I started thinking, 'I’m not doing anybody any favors with this. She would be more comfortable just sitting in her room.'” 

Then something shifted. “The actor started to recite the Gettysburg Address at the end of his program, and this woman who had no contact with reality suddenly started to recite it with him. It was her only opportunity in who knows how long to be part of something for a moment. It was so powerful that I still get chills thinking about it.” 

Meryl, who has a degree in gerontology, was seeing up close what she had learned about: that the arts are important to seniors’ health, such as helping to create new neural pathways in the brain, easing depression, and more. 

Meryl later moved to Memphis and launched Creative Aging Mid-South in 2004. Since then, the group has produced performances and workshops at facilities throughout the area, from blues concerts to glass-fusing classes. And experiences like the woman who sprung to life at the words of the Gettysburg address continue to occur on an almost daily basis. 

Meryl met a man who had not been able to speak since having a stroke, but he could still sing, so he never missed the chance to join in when bands came. At another performance, a woman sat at the back of the room with her head down until the performer began singing a familiar spiritual. “All of the sudden, she sat up and started singing along with him,” Meryl remembers. “She had this smile on her face like you would not believe.” 

Performing for the Fun of It

When Meryl first asked local blues and R&B singer Jewel Jones to perform, Jewel assumed she was being asked to do it for free, and she still jumped at the chance. “People who are elderly now, used to be able to get out and go listen to music,” Jewel explains, “and now many of them can’t. So somebody needs to bring it to them.” 

In truth, Creative Aging does pay its performers, with some of the regulars earning more than $8,000 a year from gigs in assisted-living facilities. It’s not a fortune, but it’s a way for Creative Aging to attract great talent while supporting local musicians who often appreciate the chance to supplement their income between other gigs while making their own contribution to a unique audience. 

“It can’t be all about the money,” explains Jewel, who brings along a live band to every performance. “I’m having a great time doing it. The music inspires them. And if I were in a senior citizen home, I would want somebody to come out and inspire me.” 

Another fringe benefit: there’s always an appreciative audience. “Sometimes you go to gigs, and there may not be many people in the audience. But I don’t have to worry about that with senior citizens, because they always look forward to seeing me.” 

Jewel recently became one of two Memphis artists to win Creative Aging’s Sister Armin Cooper Award, given to those who demonstrate a passion for the group’s mission—which Jewel says stems from a passion for engaging the seniors themselves.  

“I interact with them,” she explains. “I talk to them and let them sing along with me. They request songs, get up and dance, and have a good time. I treat them like they’re any audience in any club and not in a nursing home.”  

Memories beyond Words

Meryl understands that many people fear, as she did in the early days of bringing the arts to nursing homes, that their work doesn’t make a difference. But she believes wholeheartedly it does. 

“It’s important for individuals who visit loved ones—especially those with dementia—to know that the positive feelings from an interaction last far longer than recollections of the interaction itself,” she explains. “Let’s say my mom has dementia and doesn’t know my name. And I leave thinking, this is ridiculous—she doesn’t know who I am, so why do I go? But the feelings elicited remain.”

Like Jewel, she notes that one of the best features of a Creative Aging performance is glimpsing pure joy on faces in the audience. 

“We send out great, professional musicians,” she says, “and a lot of these folks in the audience know the artists’ names because they’ve been around for a while. We have people waiting for the artist at the front door, sometimes an hour before the performance is scheduled to start.

“Some of them might be so disabled they can hardly move,” she adds. “But if you look, you’ll still see tapped fingers or people moving their heads in time. Everybody responds in some way to the artists performing for them, and that’s what we really want.” 

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http://www.mylifetree.com/soulfeed/lord-give-strength-parents-prayer-graduation/

Give Me the Strength…A Parent’s Prayer at Graduation

Lord, have mercy-

There’s a cap and gown hanging in my son’s room and it’s taking my breath away.

He’s graduating in a few days, and I can’t believe how fast the time has gone. (Did you maybe spin the earth a little faster on its axis for the past several years? )

He’s ready…but I’m not sure if I am.

Because since the day he was born and wrapped his tiny fingers around mine, my heart has been living outside of my body.  At that moment I understood the concept of unconditional love—including your love.

Thank you for making me his mom…and trusting my hands to care for this little human’s life when I had no clue what I was doing.

This parenting journey has been the hardest, funniest, stinkiest, most terrifying, inspiring, holy mess…and there are a lot of parts I messed up that I wish I could do over.

Please forgive me for the times I was exhausted and bitter and wanted to give up. Forgive me for yelling a lot. Forgive me for not paying attention. Forgive me for forgetting things. Forgive me for dropping off my 6 year old son and leaving him unsupervised for three hours at the sketchy roller rink because I had the wrong day of his friend’s birthday party. Forgive me for all of the mistakes I made as his mom.

And please help him forget this stuff—or at least help him forgive me if my failures screwed him up.(Hopefully you can turn the consequences into something positive—like the development of grit and resilience.)

Thank you for the sweet moments too—there were soooo many of those. The baby snuggles, the funny toddler sayings, the little boy hugs, the crappy mother’s day craft gifts and Popsicle-stick Christmas ornaments that I can’t ever throw away, the hoopla of snow days, the sight of 10 pairs of sneakers in the doorway and the house packed with friends, the camaraderie of other parents on the sidelines of at least 1,000 soccer and baseball games, the family road trips, the conversations around the dinner table and sitting on his bed whenever I still remember to tuck him in at night…THIS is what I’ll miss.

But most of all, I’m going to miss him in the ordinariness of the everyday. Because being by his side and watching him grow up for the past 18 years—on the good days and the bad—has been the greatest joy and privilege of my life.

Oh Lord, release my grip and give me the courage to let him go. (You’re gonna have to pry my fingers back a little.)

Remind me that he is yours…that he’s always been yours.

Remind me that you’ll be with him, especially when he feels alone.

Remind me that your love for him is even bigger than mine.

Remind me that I’ve done my best to raise a young man who follows you.

Remind me that letting him go is a much better alternative to letting him live in my basement forever.

And while you’re at it, please remind him of all of the above too. 

Lastly, please give me the strength to celebrate this milestone without ugly-crying during graduation. I’d prefer not to show up in family photos of this special day with a streaky-red-puffy-post-meltdown face.

Because I want him to know that I’m more proud than sad. I want him to know that I’m more excited about what’s next than afraid. I want him to know that I believe in him. And I want him to know that I believe in YOU. 

Lord, in your mercy, hear my prayer.

P.S.—Please, PLEASE keep the rain away during our graduation open house celebration, because I forgot to rent a tent and 150+ people are just not going to fit inside our home.

---

A Blessing for the Road Ahead (Free downloadable keepsake gift for graduates!)

Have a soon-to-be graduate in your life? Download this printable blessing for your student’s road ahead to give as a gift at graduation.

 

–Kami Gilmour is a blogger, co-host of They Say podcast, a wife and the mom of 5 college and soon-to-be-college kids. She’s also the co-creator of SoulFeed college care packages, designed to help keep parents and college kids connected to what matters most.Pre-order a SoulFeed care package subscription for September 2016 delivery and get $5 off with promo code NEXTYEAR

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Living Large In Small Spaces - A Tour of Shabby Chic Tiny Retreat

Third post in the series

"Living Large in Small Spaces"

Tonita's Tiny House

"A Tiny place of enchantment

where my heart is able to sing."

(Words from Tonita's blog Shabby Chic Tiny Retreat)

When I first saw Tonita's Shabby Chic Tiny Retreat it was love at first sight. If ever there was a reason for me to do cartwheels over a truly tiny house this is it.  

Hey!  That's my teapot.

Never mind that this little cottage possesses a teapot just like mine.


A tiny house is built

Tonita had been looking at tiny houses for years when in November 2010 she found tiny house builder Scott Stewart of Slab Town Custom Homes in Arkansas.  

The AnneMarie Model- Slabtown Customs

At the time Scott was offering special pricing on The AnneMarie tiny house model.  Tonita contacted Scott and after several phone conversations about customization possibilities she ordered her own tiny house.  

The house is built on a steel I-beam frame with two 6,000 lb axles.

Construction of Tonita's tiny house began in October 2011.  

Scott's digital photographs kept Tonita  visually apprised of his progress.

Although 2,000 miles separated Tonita from her builder and house, she was involved in every aspect of the home's design and construction. "Working with an out-of-state builder is not for everyone," she says, "but with computers and phone communication it makes it easier. 

To maximize the bathroom's space Tonita chose a small tub with shower surround, wall sink and tankless commode.

"I originally was going to use a normal home style toilet, but once it was sitting next to the bathtub it was easy to see in the pictures Scott sent me that it was just too cramped. . .I opted to use a RV low water toilet instead.  It has a full flush that mimics a normal toilet."  

The toilet can be tied into a sewer line or a holding tank.

Upper portion of the bath and shower surround.

To help her visualize the home's interior while it was being built Tonita marked out an 8' x 18' area in her garage with tape.  "I  cut out cardboard pieces the size of my very tiny bathtub, toilet, bathroom sink, refrigerator,  kitchen sink, stove top and counter space," she explains, "and placed them along the floor to mimic the layout of my tiny home." 

The Tonita Tiny House - Slabtown Customs

Scott left the interior wood unfinished so Tonita could paint it as she desired.  The flooring is Allure Trafficmaster.

By the end of November construction was complete and Scott moved Tonita's house from Mountain View, Arkansas to Springfield, Missouri.

Tonita's Tiny House arrives!

From there a friend transported the house to Tonita's land.

Tonita painted the interior white,  and festive decorations were in place by Christmas.

Tonita was "waiting with paint brush in hand" when her house showed up.

The tiny house has a standard size front door.

The house is 8' wide x 18" long and has an 8' x 6' front porch.  Even with the cost to transport the finished house from Arkansas to Washington state, Tonita says her tiny house was a "great deal".

Tonita stresses the importance of using a standard size front door in a tiny house. "Not so skinny people can feel uncomfortable crunching through some of the tiny front doors used on many tiny homes. This will provide your  guests as well as yourself a more comfortable entry into your tiny abode. It will also allow you to move in a table that will seat up to four guests comfortably, that is if you build your home at least eight feet wide by eighteen (ish) feet long. Of course, there is always an option to purchase a table with removable legs or a fold down compact table and chairs in order to move it through a tiny door that is not a standard size. However, with tiny non-standard front doors your furniture options become a bit more limited."


Romancing the tiny house

Filled with her vintage and shabby chic decor, Tonita's tiny house is now a romantic retreat. She jokes that the cottage has been "girly-fied".

The front porch is a study in wicker and lace.

In the summer Tonita's  porch serves as an outdoor sitting room. Thrift store lace panels block the sun and cast fanciful patterns on the porch walls.  A wicker loveseat ($25 Craigslist find) offers comfortable seating. 

Ready for guests.

Mismatched chairs and a wicker table keep the mood relaxed. The little table was a "free" roadside discovery that Tonita brought home and painted white.

A white wreath and antique French key  on the front door whisper "Welcome".

The Great Room

Walking through the door of Tonita's tiny house would be like entering a fairy tale.  One could imagine this as a cottage belonging to a princess.

Quaint gingerbread trim and whimsical decor are found throughout the cottage.

There's a sense of timelessness and enchantment in every detail.

A vintage screen door was repurposed as the pantry door.

Make no mistake, though.  The house is equipped with modern conveniences.  

Built-in apartment size refrigerator with bottom freezer.

Electric cook top, double sink and full size faucet.

The kitchen has ample counter space for preparing meals.  

The dark stain Tonita used on the maple butcher block  countertop contrasts nicely with the white cabinets.

The counter does double duty as a buffet for entertaining.

Tonita gave the base cabinets a beadboard look,  painted them and added glass pulls and knobs.

She added the backsplash and shelves, too.

Christmas kitchen

A built-in shelf unit keeps things organized.  Note that the front of the shelf is a ladder.

The shelf unit's ladder can easily be removed and used to access the two sleeping lofts.

Ladder to the guest loft.

The guest loft is above the reading nook and bathroom.

Tonita furnished the guest loft with a twin feather bed, which allows for extra storage room.

A chandelier and fairy lights cast a dreamy glow.

Ladder to the master loft.

The master loft is above the front entrance.

Master loft.

Tonita furnished the master loft with a double bed, although a queen would fit, too.

Cozy reading nook

The reading nook is fitted with a comfortable chaise lounge, an abundance of pillows, and a throw for curling up with a good book or settling in for a nap.

Reading nook windows

Just enjoying the lovely view of Tonita's property is an option, too.

"My favorite piece in my tiny house -  My chandy from Spain, dressed for Christmas." ~ Tonita

The reading nook's chandelier is one of nine that hang in Tonita's tiny house.

"Lots of mirrors in the tiny house to reflect light" ~ Tonita

A $2 vintage medicine cabinet was repurposed as a spice cabinet.

Christmas mantel

Tonita dressed up a built-in wall heater by placing a faux fireplace in front of it. The mantel was made from an old chippy door.

The delightful bathroom is unabashedly frilly.

One of the many lovely vignettes in the tiny house.

Tonita's small space doesn't keep her from entertaining.   

"You have to be creative to live in a tiny house and even more creative when you entertain in one." ~ Tonita

She hosted an "I'm Dreaming of a Pink Christmas" party for four friends in her tiny house, planning ahead of time how she would accommodate winter outerwear. "A large vintage coat and hat rack inside my bath tub area held the guests' large, bulky and dripping winter coats," she explains, "while their purses sat inside my little bathtub."

Tonita says her dining table seats 4 comfortably.

A vintage apron adorns an old theater chair.

For seating she uses old theater chairs that fold flat when not in use.

"Just because you live in a tiny house doesn't mean you can't decorate it." ~ Tonita

Tonita's use of small scale free standing furniture instead of the hard edged built-ins typically found in today's Tiny Houses makes it comfortable, inviting and very livable.

Le' Chicken Chateau

While Tonita was waiting for her tiny house to be built she repurposed an old playhouse into a chicken coop for her rare breed lavender Orpington chicks.

Before

After

Shabby chic chicken coop.  "Why not?" Tonita quips.

The coop interior includes a chandelier, washable wallpaper and chicken art on the wall.  An old milk can stores organic chicken feed. "A vintage tractor seat makes a nice place for me to sit and hang out in the coop and watch my little chicks grow," Tonita explains.

"I found these wonderful vintage nesting boxes on Craig's list. They came from and old egg production barn that was over a hundred and fifty years old. I just love them." ~ Tonita

Tonita found old table legs ($1 each) and added them to the nesting box to give it "the look of freestanding furniture."  The hens' names are painted over the nests "just in case [they]start to squabble over what space belongs to them."

Fall at Le' Chicken Chateau

An enclosed chicken run -- accessed from the coop - was added later.

Chicken run door.

The chickens free range when Tonita is home.

The Cottage Storage Shed

Tonita stows seasonal decor and other possessions in her storage shed. "Even in a tiny house I feel it is important to be able to change out furniture and décor," she says. "I could not imagine living day in and day out, year in and year out with the same stuff in the same place all the time. I would go stir crazy and be bored to death."

The 10' x 20' shed is larger than Tonita's tiny house.

Tonita made over the original plain storage unit to give it a cottage look.  Here's a rundown of budget-friendly materials she used for the project:

"My tiny house on the left, the chicken chateau & run in the center and the shed on the right." ~ Tonita

Tonita has created a charming, one-of-a-kind homestead.  I asked her if she had anything she wanted to say to those considering a tiny house. Here's what she wrote:

"What I would like to say to people interested in downsizing or shifting to a small or tiny home is this… There are no rules to tiny or small home living.  Just because you live in a tiny space you DO NOT have to be a minimalist or get rid of everything you own.  I think it is important to fill your space with the things that make your heart sing, and you can have a storage unit or outbuilding to store items and then rotate them in and out with the change of your mind or the seasons.   

Also tiny homes may provide a mortgage free living option for you but remember they are still illegal to live in  (due to size regulations) in most areas of the United States.  Do your homework before you build a tiny home."

Great advice from someone who's living large in a small space.  

Thank you, Tonita, for sharing your tiny house and Le' Chicken Chateau with us.

(All photos are the property of Tonita and used with her permission.)

There's so much more I could share about Tonita and her "living large in a small space" life.  Visit her beautiful blog Shabby Chic Tiny Retreat to see more photos and read about life in her fabulous tiny house.

See Scott's video tour of Tonita's completed tiny house before it left Slabtown Customs. Very informative!

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Join me next Saturday for another post in the special series

 Living Large in Small Spaces

See more home tours in the 
Living Large In Small Spaces Series here.

Would you like to share your small space story 
or have your home 
featured  in this special series?
Send me an email and let's collaborate.
(See the "Contact Me" page for email address.)

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